Pasty skin? Blood-shot eyes? Just rolled out of bed fashion statement? I thought I had that look going for me pre-child. I realize it was only the beginning. I officially understand what they mean when people say they “lose themselves” when they have kids. I have a whole new admiration for the likes of Nancy Finnegan with her 9 children. I have one and I feel rockstar if I manage to get moisturizer on and text a friend all in one day!
I feel bad for those people that do lose themselves. I totally get how it happens. Yes, I may be in total denial, but I feel I haven’t really lost myself so much as hid her away for a few years until she’s allowed out to play again. And I admit it has happened. I know sometimes people don’t realize it’s happening to them. I realized. I just couldn’t stop it. I know they say you shouldn’t let it happen, but well, they either have a lot more money than I do to pay for a manny or they were kinda boring and didn’t have much of a life to begin with. That’s the conclusion I have come to.
Here’s the thing: I know you are supposed to keep some of your hobbies and your girls’ nights out and your “me” time reading 50 Shades of Grey on the side. I get it. What I don’t get is how you make that happen. There’s just not enough time in the day to write a blog, take some pictures, read a book, call my friend, check facebook, and still make breakfast, lunch, dinner, do laundry, pick up the 5000 wrappers my daughter took out of the trashcan, read her books, play airplane with her, and do our daily neighborhood watch from the top of the couch. Just sayin’. I admit defeat. And when it comes to whether I screw her up for life or give up my chapter of smut, I ere on the side of a non-messed up child. Now, I can’t make any promises, but at least I’m trying.
Everyone tells me it will get easier. And maybe it will. If nothing else, I’m sure there will be practices that I can sit in Baa Baa Black Sheep (our black Honda Pilot) and check Facebook on my phone. In the meantime, I am sad that I can’t bring you a regularly scheduled blog and the ratio of diaper-changes to strawberry daiquiris is pretty one-sided, but when she pats me on the cheek and gives me a hug, well, I remember that I’ve made worse mistakes along the way.
Should you do what I have done? No. Not if you can help it. If you can’t help it and you know it’s happening, well, join the club. We don’t actually meet because we don’t have time, but we do feel sympathy for those in the sinking ship with us.
Oh, P.S. – if you’re feeling bad for me, feel free to offer to be a free babysitter. I won’t say no. ☺
I feel like Paul Revere – “The Olympics are coming! The Olympics are coming!” I’m so freaking excited! I love the Olympics and the fact that it coincides with me going back to work is even better. A little mental distraction from the loss of my summer is always good. Plus, who couldn’t use something fun in their newsfeed instead of politics and misery? Ug.
So do you have a favorite event or are you just a whatever-is-on-and-involves-sweating-bodies-is-fine-with-me kind? Are you a track and field person? Or a gymnastics person? Or a Bob Costas giving their historic rise to fame backstory person? Oh, or are you the obvious choice: a sand volleyball person? (Yeah, we all know why you love the sand volleyball competition…) I pretty much love everything, except maybe that pentathlon one. They’re all too skinny and it just looks painful. I have a hard time getting behind that, but I’m game otherwise.
If I were actually capable, I’d want to be on the Saber team. First off, they are expected to win. Secondly, they compete one day and have the rest of the time to see the sights, cheer on the other Americans, and make questionable decisions in the Olympic village. lol. Of course, I’m also stoked to see Phelps carry in the flag. It’s amazing how a family and sobriety change your perspective and get you involved. And I will definitely be watching the ladies do floor exercise. Holy crap can they jump!
Luckily, my husband likes sports so he’s generally willing to watch with me and it appears my daughter is the same. However, by second week, my husband is usually complaining he needs his NCIS fix and that we’ve seen the same segment about Hussein Bolt 50 times. I can’t get enough of it. I’m a fanatic and proud of it.
I love to watch sports anyway, but the Olympics is more than that. I value it because it’s about heart, dedication, work ethic, and dreamers. You don’t get to the Olympics without all of that. And I love a success story. I really do. I had goose bumps with Kerri Strug landed on one foot, when Michael Phelps got that last medal, and when Gabby Douglas won the all-around. I like perseverance.
What else do I like? I like that for two weeks we are not complaining about what’s wrong with our country or tearing other people down, we are a united front. We are Americans. We are happy to see any American holding our flag and singing “The Star Spangled Banner” on a podium. It matters not what race you are or which backwoods town you came from, it only matters than you are an American. That, my friends, makes me happy.
Beyond that, I like good sportsmanship. I like the stories of athletes helping each other out. I like families sitting around a TV watching the Olympics and seeing people break records and cheer and console and be happy just to have the experience. I like unity of the athletes, of the families sitting at home watching, and all of us as Americans. Yes, I know that makes me sound like Suzy Sunshine. I’m okay with it.
So here’s to filling up your DVR with Olympic dreams and a cold one on the couch getting caught up! If you want to rehash, I’m pretty sure you know where to find me.
Do you have a favorite sport to watch? Do you have a favorite memory? Have you actually been to an Olympic event? Talk to me.
Okay, thanks to a good friend’s do-gooder-soapy-clean-PG summer bucket list, I was inspired to make my own (cough, cough) Rated R (for Rarely gets to happen when you’re an adult) summer list. I will be living vicariously through you this summer. Make me proud!
- Read Grey (yes, the dirty one by E.L. James)
- Make pudding shots (now there’s a pinterest project I like!)
- Roadtrip! Go to KC to shop at the outlets. Go to Carhenge in NE. Go take selfies under the spider in Avoca. Lol.
- Watch Magic Mike to prep for Magic Mike 2 (oh, you gotta love a no-shirt sequel!)
- Drink one of the new added-citrus beers
- Have a late-night water gun shoot-out with friends
- Drop your kids off to sleep in your old bed at your mom and dad’s (woo-hoo!)
- Sit in your lawn chair in your back yard 5 days in a row
- Grill brats (no, not your bratty children, the processed meat kind – and get the Tiefenthaler ones from Iowa – To. Die. For.)
- Do the Taco Ride or if you’re not local, find a beer tent. Stat.
- Break out the little white tank-top. (Guys, not so much.)
- Re-enact some scene/part from Saved by the Bell when they summered at the beach. (You know you know some!)
- Read a magazine from the large pile collecting dust on your end table.
- Have banana splits – the banana makes them completely healthy!
- Take the back-roads – roll down your windows with your air on and sing with the radio. (Fishin’ in the Dark, baby!)
- Car-dance with the sun roof open (get those truckers honkin’)
- Play bocce ball or croquet – in the dark or drunk. Take your pick.
- Go to Shakespeare on the Green or one of those outdoor concert series shows
- Buy new flip-flops.
- Go to a county fair (preferably the East Pottawattamie County Fair in Avoca – we’d love to see you)
- Float down the river or paddleboat around a lake.
- Take selfies in a floppy hat or cool sunglasses.
- Host a BBQ – make sure you have plenty of wieners!
- Text your friends “wish you were here” pics of you drinking, laying out, or taking a nap! (who wouldn’t be jealous of that????)
- Have a lemonade with a friend you haven’t seen in at least a few months
- Invite the neighbors over, whether you like ‘em or not.
- Go to a parade. (Figured I’d give you an easy one you can knock out this week!)
- Buy sun tan lotion, bug spray, and Cool Whip. (Happy Summer!)
Got any to add? Let’s hear ‘em. Got a comment about one of my ideas, go ahead. Or even better, tell me how many of these you’ve done this summer!
You know how they name that guy Flounder on Animal House? I’m identifying all too well with him.
Oh, Monday, you’re an evil sort! Oh, how we hate to see you coming, but rule #1, friends make everything better. And girls, as you well know, you can’t go to the bathroom alone! You gotta love it when things are set up for you that way. lol.
So how do you make your Monday better? Well, they can’t fault you for having to take a little toilet break. No matter that it might be an hour long or there might be more giggling than peeing.
And if you dare to venture in alone, are you a creature of habit? Do you use the same one every time? Or do you check your options and decide based on tissue or toilet cleanliness? Hey, those are the real ponderings of a Monday morning.
So Happy Monday! May it be a little unique, a little fun, a little bit funny, and worthy of a texted toilet photo.