Humorous thoughts on adulthood – thank goodness for chocolate, drinks, friends, and duck tape!

Tag Archives: moms

not happy – t-shirt slogan:  Ain’t no mama like the one I got. #Truth

 

Mother’s Day is looming. I haven’t handled Mother’s Day yet for either mother, mine or the husband’s. I know what I want to do but making it happen is a whole ‘nother ball game. The funny part is that I forget that the day is for me, too, now. It’s weird. I guess I still think of my mom instead because she is most definitely a great mom.

 

I, however, am not a great mom. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for platitudes. I try. In fact, I try really hard, but my parenting fails are vast and many. So instead of telling you how glorious motherhood is and how wonderful the whole experience is, I will do my usual and keep it real.

 

Parenting fails – I don’t even know where to start on my list:

 

#ParentingFail #599 – Most nights, there’s more food on the floor at Chez Carley than in her mouth.

 

#ParentingFail #600 – Yes, she still sleeps with me.

 

#ParentingFail #695 – No, she is not potty-trained yet at 2 ½. No, I do not feel bad about that.

 

#ParentingFail #789 – I have already had to restrict her YouTube usage because she was going to inappropriate sites, like ones that had spiders on them and ones that involved laughing after farting. No, no nudity, but spiders are bad enough. Thank you.

 

#ParentingFail #1050 – My daughter may, or may not, have been known to eat a brownie for breakfast, but in her defense, she saw me doing it first.

 

#ParentingFail #2000 – My daycare provider is counting the days till she is rid of us, partly in hopes that my daughter doesn’t break a bone on her watch and partly because we don’t follow rules well.

 

#ParentingFail #2999 – Sometimes, I yell when I get mad or growl in attempt at not yelling. My daughter now grrrs… Clearly, I need to rethink my attack. However, I will consider it a parenting win that she hasn’t said any cuss words…yet.

 

And those are just the ones that come to my head today.

 

So here I am trying to remind you that parenting is hard. You shouldn’t feel bad if you think so, too. And, your mom, well, she deserves a new house, car, grand reception, and a mini-bar, but if you can’t make that happen, at least give her a call or a card. They gave us life and we gave them problems and insecurities and, with any luck, some happiness along the way.

 

That’s how it is for me…

 

Everyday, I worry about what I screw up. Everyday, I try to be better. Everyday, I know that my daughter doesn’t have it bad and that all I can do is love her the best I/we know how. Everyday, I hope that it will be enough. But everyday, in spite of the things I get frustrated with her for, I see that little face asleep on my arm and I hope I am doing her justice because for every naughty thing she does, she is still my precious little puddin’ pop, and I am blessed that she’s ours.

 

I’m not really sure that Mother’s Day covers the years of hard work, but it’s a good place to start.

 

So, thank you, to all of you who try hard, who put food on the table, and give your kids a moral compass. It isn’t easy. I have 2 and a half years under my belt and I think I could use 50 to be good at it. In the meantime, give yourself an umbrella drink and a night out with a babysitter if that’s what life requires right now. You’ve earned it.

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

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Got any #ParentingFails? Got any #ParentingWins to brag about? Got something else to share or say? Let’s here it.

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Wove you, too!

Wove you, too!

No, I promise it won’t happen every time, but it is going to happen, and you’re gonna have to put up with my “mom” moments.  Sometimes, I contemplate life as a mom, something I really never expected to be.  As a mom of a toddler, my perspective has completely changed.  Props to anybody who can handle more than one.  I hear that whole man-to-man vs. zone defense, and it makes me queasy.  I’d be in a wealth of trouble.  But let me tell you what makes a mom of a toddler happy (well, at least this mom of a toddler):

  • A long, hot shower uninterrupted. OMG! I need not say anymore.

 

  • Someone babysitting your kid and texting you that they are running a little late in dropping off your child so you have a few extra minutes before they get home. That’s like a Christmas gift wrapped up with thousands of dollars in it!

 

  • As a toddler parent, I am surprising excited about shopping for the next size. There’s probably nothing cuter than little kid clothes – they’re colorful, they’re fun, and they don’t have to fit YOU!

 

  • They would love to hear, “Oh, I am so sorry. My kid never slept either and we were so worried because he hit everyone at daycare and embarrassed us in public.”  Nobody wants to hear about how perfect someone else’s kid was and is when theirs is clearly NOT!

 

  • Another thing a toddler parent wants to hear: “Oh, your child is so well-behaved! You must be doing a great job!”  For the record, I have never heard this statement and probably never will, but I know I’d love to hear it as long as it were true.

 

  • Oh, and we love to eat our own food without sharing. Chocolate-chip cookies with milk? Yes, please.

 

  • We dream of watching an entire episode of our favorite show, and again, uninterrupted. If you’re curious, I love me some Younger on TVLand.  Love. That. Show!

 

  • But I have to admit, there’s one thing that I had no idea would make me so happy and it happened a couple of weeks ago:  my girl said, “Wove you, Mama.”  Truly might be the best words I’ve ever heard.  I melted.  And if you know me, you know I don’t melt all that often. So there it is, the sappy, non-sarcastic thing every toddler mom loves to hear.  Sure hope you’ve had the pleasure, as well.

 

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Do you have something that would make you happy as a mom or dad of a toddler, a mom of a teenager, a mom of a college graduate, etc? Let’s hear it!

Can you relate?

Got something else I need to know? Spread it.


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Listen, the best decisions involve asking your mother first…unless she has 7 kids by 7 guys… then, you might want to reconsider…


According to the calendar, to the bajillion posts on facebook, and every flower shop in town, it’s Mother’s Day.  A pretty big day for a lot of people.  And I was thinking about all the things a good mom actually is when I informed my own mom that we were going to have to postpone Mother’s Day till next weekend to which she was graciously understanding and wonderful about it.

So I guess you can ask yourself if you, or your mom, your wife, or someone who claims you and you’d rather were your mom, fits the “Your Momma’s So Phat” list:

  1. Yer momma’s so good that she’s the first to get yelled at first when things go wrong (because we assume she will still love us no matter how horrible we treat her).
  2. Yer momma’s so good, she gives you kisses and hugs that help you sleep when you’re little and embarrass you when you’re a teenager.
  3. Yer momma’s so good, she’s tough with you even when she doesn’t want to be and you may hate her for awhile as a teenager but will someday love her more for it.
  4. Yer momma’s so good she takes your crappy little-kid-homemade gifts like note holders and pen holder cans made of orange juice cans and loves them as if she were given a Rolex watch.
  5. Yer momma’s so good she shows up to watch games, band concerts, and even those awful dance recitals that seem nearly as painful as a root canal.
  6. Yer momma’s so good she lets you use her cell phone even though she knows the next time she gets a call from you in the middle of an important meeting the ringtone will be something like Pretty Girls Rock.
  7. Yer momma’s so good she isn’t surprised that her son doesn’t want to tell her much information after he turns 7, but she cries when she gets “I love you, Mom” yelled to her on graduation day.
  8. Yer momma’s so good she has more crap in her purse for her kids than she does for herself, i.e. wet wipes, toy cars, action heroes, fruit snacks, and crackers.
  9. Yer momma’s so good she teaches a little etiquette, a little responsibility, and a lot of love and decency.
  10. Yer momma’s so good she doesn’t expect you to serve 15 aces in your tennis match or be a rocket scientist at age 16.  She’s simply about unconditional love 24/7, not just when it’s convenient.
  11. Yer momma’s so good she doesn’t enable you, she coaches you, and she tells you to suck it up when necessary.
  12. Yer momma’s so good she gives a lot and asks very little and probably gets less than that.
  13. Yer momma’s so good that she has flaws you give her a hard time about, she raise kids that know how to function in the real world, and when we become adults, she gets all our respect for all the hard work she put into us when others might have questioned her sanity or efforts (and maybe they still do). 🙂

 Happy Mother’s Day to you, your momma, and especially to mine.