Humorous thoughts on adulthood – thank goodness for chocolate, drinks, friends, and duck tape!

Tag Archives: men vs. women

So, sometimes, it takes a man… (Okay, for that, too, but that wasn’t what I was referring to!)  Am I the only one that has things not work for me, but the minute a man is involved, it works perfectly???

Ladies, have you noticed that your kids can be horrible, screaming, other-people’s-children and the second dad walks in the door they’re angels from on high?  What about when you want to open the pickle jar lid?  You tap it against the countertop.  You get the jar gripper.  You hold it with your knees and twist with both hands and grit your teeth.  Nothing.  Then you hand the jar to a man and it pops in 2 seconds.  Does this sound at all familiar?

Am I the only one that has this happen?

Here’s how my life plays out.  Tell me if you’ve been on either side.

Exhibit A:  Our toilet isn’t flushing properly.  (Yes, I’m aware you probably didn’t want to know that, but if I had to deal with it, so do you.)  As is the logical solution, I plunged it.  I plunged it again and again about 6 times throughout 2 days.  No luck.  I take off the lid to see if anything’s broken, leaking, or generally effed up.  Nothing.  Next plan of attack:  call the hubs’ best friend to fix it.  He shows up.  Magically, with 2 more plunges, it works.

Exhibit B:  I have students that are supposed to go into a program on a cd on the computer.  We click on the cd.  We keep re-trying for 15 minutes.  I tell the kids to wait while I go get my work hubs.  He literally walks up to the computer, doesn’t even touch it, and again, magically it starts.  EVERY EFFING TIME!

Exhibit C:  It is common knowledge among the family that the second my dad leaves the farm, everything will fall apart.  The cows that normally are generous enough to stay in on the honor system practically do a jig down the road the minute my dad’s truck leaves the driveway.  Not to mention that if a cow is going to calve, she’ll wait till he’s gone, it’s 5 below zero, and we were planning on having control of the remote for once.  But the minute he pulls back in the drive, I swear they throw their party hats away till the next time.  That’s just how it works!

Why the Hell is that????  Why is it that sometimes you just have to have a man to get the job done?  All I can figure is that it’s that whole damsel-in-distress-needing-a-knight-in-shining-armor deal.  But then I think it can’t be that because I’ve never been much of a “damsel” and I haven’t seen a lot of armor in the neighborhood either.  (feminists everywhere are probably cringing as we speak)

So guys, what’s your secret????  How do you get things to work when we had absolutely no success at all?  Is it God’s way of making sure we keep you around?  I don’t know.  I’m completely baffled.

However, I’ve realized that sometimes I am one drill bit hole away from being screwed, and I guess if a man can walk in the room and get the wood where I wanted, well then, I’m on board.  (pun fully intended)  Because, if at the end of the day my toilet is flushing, the cd is playing, and no bulls have hung themselves, I will be damn happy about it.  I am woman enough to admit that as long as the result is how I want it, I will simply shake my head in dismay and say “thank you.”

So thank you, gentleman, one and all.