Olympic outfits - whoa!

Olympic outfits – whoa!

Can you imagine wearing one of those speed skater uniforms?  You’d have to be an Olympian to even wear the outfits!  They’re like one piece footy-pajamas minus the comfort, the flannel, and the leisure area.  It’s a one piece aerodynamic singlet with a hood.  I mean those babies show every nook, cranny, spaghetti lunch eaten pound, piece of genitalia, and not an ounce of Spanx to save ya.  Yikes!

The thing is that it’s not just the speed skaters.  Those poor figure skaters have it rough, too.  No one wants a bloomer riding up their ass and a sequined one that attracts attention?  Hell no.  It is baffling to me how we can put a man on the moon and design a cell phone chip to track you, but we can’t keep a leotard from thonging on us.  And the poor guys!  Why must they have rhinestones and feathers?  Even circus clowns have less ruffles.  I understand that the sport is predominately effeminate, but still.  It takes a gay man or one with lots of kahunas (or maybe really little ones) to wear those costumes.

And what’s with America putting white on our skiers?  Not only do they blend in with the snow, but girls, if you want a show, there’s no hiding junk in those tighty whities!  Of course, maybe the white is no worse than the poor Canadians who have such tight coverage on their packages that the red is more of a pepto pink.  Not that I was looking or anything, it’s just hard not to notice.

At the end of the day, at least I know these people are in shape and it ain’t so bad to look at because you don’t see the curlers swankin’ in in yoga pants.  Oh no.  They know the score.  If only ever teenager in America did.  I don’t know if you noticed my “turning 40” post, but #32 was an ode to NOT being a tight yoga pant wearer.  Please for the love of God.

That’s my advice on this lovely Feb. day.  And as always, there’s more where that came from.

Happy final night of the Olympics!


Have some outfits I missed?  Are you an advocate for the tight is right campaign?  Are you with me on the yoga pants?  Well, let’s hear it.