Has it hit you, too? Do you have the January flats, January blahs, January blues, or January screw-you’s, or whatever you want to call them? I heard on TV that it affects 3 out of 4 people. “Affects” makes me think that only 1 of the 4 has it, they just make 2 more miserable enough that technically they’re affected, too. Lol. Seriously though, I know it happens to me and a ton of the people I’m around. Do I have a full-fledged case of Seasonal Affective Disorder otherwise known as SAD? Not sure, but labeled or not, I have what I call the January hates, aka I hate January.
And who really likes January? I mean, how can we like a month where the sun never shines, we torture ourselves by dieting, working out to drop 2 lbs. we’ll gain back on Valentine’s Day, and paying all the bills we accrued buying Christmas presents (and the really cute watch we bought ourselves while we were out shopping because well, nobody else was going to get it for us!). January is just painful, and that my friends, is why I have the January Hates.
Haters in da House
I hate the dreary weather. I hate that the holidays are over. I hate slushy, muddy footprints on my floors and wet pant legs. I hate shivering when I stand and talk to a friend in the parking lot for 2 minutes. I hate that the fat on my tookus freezes in 2.5 seconds. I hate that I go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. I hate scraping car windows, and I hate paying my power bill. I hate that the Dairy Queen closes in small towns. I hate my pale, pasty, scratchy skin and that going barefoot in my yard really isn’t feasible. Oh, and I hate static cling because then there’s that whole moral dilemma of whether I tell you that you have a sock stuck to your ass (which I do because that’s the kind of girl I am). Bottom line: I’m not a fan of January!
Survival Tactics ‘R Us
Now, they say if you want to get happier, you’re supposed to turn on lots of lights, eat healthy foods, and work-out. Wah-wah-wah. Seriously? Um, no! Take it from a January survivor. If you want to survive January, here’s how you do it:
*take long naps wrapped in your blankey (rest always makes us less bitchy, maybe not less snarky, but at least less bitchy)
*have movie marathons with your family or friends (no, I won’t tell if you decide to watch Freaky Friday when Lindsay Lohan was still this side of the nuthouse)
*plan a tropical, or at least warm weather, vacation (I can feel the warmth on my lounge chair from here)
*go outside even if you have to dress in enough clothes that you look like a stuffed penguin when you walk (or Joey on that episode of Friends, but I don’t recommend going commando. A little chipper for that!)
*play beer pong with friends
*plan a Super Bowl party
*eat cheese, summer sausage, Ruffles with chip dip, and little smokies (aka lil BBQ wieners) because that’s the way to get through winter
*drink hot chocolate heavy on the peppermint schnapps, light on the rest
*do something nice for someone else – take everyone’s fave pop to work for them, bake cookies for the elderly neighbor guy, give furry socks to your best friend – when you hear their glee, you are happier
*wear summery-smelling lotion like coconut or lemonade
*buy flowers (or tell your hubs to- hint, hint) – the scent and brightness is great for your house
*break out your oldest mix tape/cd and car-dance or dance around your kitchen for a little “hammer time”
*and when all else fails, crank the heat, put on your tank top and shorts, get out your blender, and dive into some umbrella drinks with Jimmy Buffett in the background
Now, that my friends, is how you fight the January doldrums. Fight like you mean it. Fight like a girl – dirty, conniving, and here to win.
I can’t tell you you’re not going to curse the calendar or scream at your spouse because they left the grape jelly out, but I can promise there are less than 20 days left and that as my husband tells me – it’s better to be his Little Miss Ray of Sunshine than it is to be his Little Thundercloud. And if it were up to me, we’d forget advent calendars(no offense, God). I think we’d be better off with Dove chocolate January countdown calendars instead. Seems like a better plan to me! So break out the chocolates, the booze, or the 80’s rock, and turn that frown upside down (or your naughty finger if it makes you feel better)!
What do you hate about January? Do you have something fun to combat the depression of January that you’d like to share? Are you hoping somebody will give you a January chocolate countdown? Let me know what you’re thinking, would ya? And don’t be afraid to hit that share key for all the January haters in your life.