Although I don’t really want to talk about it, I’m also of the belief that it’s better to goose the damn elephant in the room than it is to let him hang around for years on end. So here I am goosing the elephant: I suffer from JGS.
The last 2 days have been very difficult for me. What may seem like no big deal to an outsider is a huge deal to me. Putting myself out there hasn’t been easy, and I had actually gotten my hopes up, only to have the door slammed in my face. It’s been a pretty long year of rejections in my world. They always suck, but this one hurt. If you read an earlier post, you know that I tried out for Blogger Idol. Yesterday, I found out I’m not good enough. They tried to tell me that only 5.9 % made it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am a loser. Wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear, but thanks to a good friend, I at least have now identified my problem: I have JGS – Josie Grossie Syndrome.
Remember in that movie, Never Been Kissed, Drew Barrymore played Josie Grossie, the girl everyone thought was a giant dork because she was trying too hard to be liked with her white jeans and boa. That’s me (okay, I wouldn’t wear white jeans, but…). I’m Josie Grossie, or Bolton Schmolten or Snarley Carley or whatever you want to call me. The thing is that I am certainly not above a hair-pulled-back-in-a-barrette, no make-up, wearing a holy hoodie look. I could care less about that. I’m not trying to fit in. Sweaty and cattle crap-stained is a regular image for me, but when it comes to writing and humor, I want to be liked. I need to be liked. If nobody reads me, I get nowhere. I want it too much.
My husband told me a long time ago that this wouldn’t be easy, that everything I had in this life, I’d had to work for and this would be no different. I understood his point. I valued his opinion, and I took it to heart. I started writing more. I started watching the cool kids. I started putting myself out there. But all that hard work has left me wanting it bad.
In the movie, Josie was embarrassingly not cool and the harder she tried, the more they laughed at her. She was nothing till the right person thought she was cool, and then magically, she was beyond fabulous. It didn’t take a million people to like her, it just took the right person to like her. So here I am, definitely in the Josie Grossie boat. I’m the clumsy girl that moved into a neighborhood of beautiful people. I love every one of you readers and am thankful for you all, but now I need the homecoming king, or Adam Lavine, or Duchess Kate to like me so that everybody else on the planet will like me, too.
I’m still bummed. JGS has officially kicked my butt. My heart’s still broken, but at my lowest, I know that at the end of the movie, Josie got the guy… and so did I.
Ever feel like you have Josie Grossie Syndrome, or is it just me? Have you hit a rough patch lately you want tell about? Tell me in the comments section.
Or do you have a cure? I’d take that, too.