Have you ever lied on a résumé?  Would you have to if you wanted to get a new job?  I’ll admit it.  I’d be screwed if I had to write a résumé today.   My friend and I were having a discussion about how we couldn’t even attempt writing one at this point in our lives.  Amazingly enough, there’s not really a section for “Happy Hour Volunteer” or “JV Chore Team” or “Santa’s Helper.”  Damn it!

I was trying to think of what I could say about myself and honestly, on paper, I peeked in high school.  Back then, I had 4-H, the Iowa Jr. Shorthorn Association, and grades and test scores to make me look good.  Now days, um…  Do you hear the crickets?

Am I the only one in this boat?  I have 17 years at a single job with nothing to show for it – at least, not on paper.  Somehow I doubt that labeling my extracurricular as “Julie McCoy, Cruise Director” would get me an interview, especially since the person interviewing me would probably be some little 23-year-old upstart that doesn’t even know what that means (and no offense to my fave 23-year-olds, you know I adore you).

Plus, I have a strange feeling that my hobbies of playing on the internet, blogging, photography, and watching TV aren’t exactly plusses in the “hire me” category.  But damn it, if you want to know trivial bits of info on Camp, the NFL, or NCIS, I’m on it.

So I have to ask myself:  where did I go wrong?  What could I do differently?  They don’t offer a lot of sports teams for non-athletic, non-coordinated white girls in this age bracket, nor does my grade point in 1992 seem to have any weight on whether there’s still hope for me and “whether my future looks bright.”  So what do I do?  The clear answer being:  not look for a new job.  Lol.  And for now, I’m pretty okay with that theory, but what if I wasn’t?  Where would I start?  It would be one job, one title as “liaison,” my volunteer work as “thrift store donator,” and 3 diplomas that I’d probably have to try to put in 20-font to try to make a half page full.  Boy, I’m proud.  Ha.

So I’m curious.  What about the rest of you?  Are you full of résumé notables like saving the children in Haiti, building 27 houses with Habitat for Humanity, and CEO of Magical Job Entertainment?  Or are you rockin’ the Laundry Queen of 1877 Parker St. and Garbage Taker-outer of 2013?  Would it be ugly for you or are you all shiny and clean and glowing on paper?  I wanna hear it.

What would be your proudest accomplishment on a job ap?  What could you send to those young whippersnappers looking to hire?  Be funny.  Be great.  Be truthful…or not.  Bring it!  I’ll just be over here with my duck tape koozie waitin’ and pickin’ my nose with the other primates.