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Dear Walmart,

Thank you.  I’m sure people don’t say that nearly enough.

Thank you for putting the Sani-flush next to the strawberries.  If it weren’t for your keen attention to cohabitation, I would have forgotten to pick it up.

Also, I want to thank you for never making me feel under-dressed.  It’s quite a luxury to know that even though I’m a slob and may not have washed my hair for the day – nobody is going to notice.  It’s really quite freeing.  Thank you for that.

Of course, I would be most remiss if I did not mention how much I appreciated that you started carrying underwire swimsuits.  Boy, does that put you ahead of the pack.  Too bad they are see-through in 2 washings, but no worries, I’m sure that makes many of your men clientele quite happy.

Oh, and can I just say how much I love the shopping carts you provide?  The wheels that won’t quite turn give me that added arm work-out I often try to avoid even though I shouldn’t, especially when I have to wreak around the scooters you also so graciously encourage.

And my favorite part of your store is knowing that you have at least 30 check-out stations.  I’m sure it’s just an oversight that only 4 of them are open and three of the cashiers are at the 20-items-and-under ones because I enjoy the quality time I get to spend catching up on Facebook while I stand in line for hours on end.  It’s really quite refreshing.

Finally, it’s so nice of you to let that dance team try to sell me roses outside the door as I’m leaving on a 40-below-zero day when I’ve probably spent such a meager amount in your store that I should be willing to donate to a child’s right to do a sexually-explicit routine to the Humpty Dance at the high school halftime show in 10 years.  Those are the moments…  And it’s always good to stop and smell the roses, right?

Again, I just want to say how thankful I am that I have the pleasure to be in your store on a regular basis.  You are my one-stop-shop for groceries, car maintenance, and people-watching.  Where else can I pick up a cat-pooping-on-a-mushroom statue, my Boone’s Farm strawberry wine, a 6-pack of oil filters, and still see my friend, Dirty Rita?

In the words of Toby Keith to his dear friend, Red Solo Cup:  you’re not just a store, you’re my friend.

Sincerely,

BC

 

*Disclaimer:  My name is BC.  I shop at Wally World.  🙂

 

I’m doing Jen Schneider’s blog challenge.  Today’s challenge was to write a letter.  Hope it made you smile.  If it made you laugh, feel free to share (as always).

Got your own fair share of feelings about Walmart?  Let’s hear ’em.

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