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What have we learned after Q&A with Bolton Carley?  She’s damn wordy, and she’s got an eclectic, brilliant audience!

 

What is your opinion of a hippie? – Amanda Longie

Dear Amanda,

I taught with a hippie.  Great guy.  Other than that, I like peace signs.  I look horrible in bell bottoms.  I wear a bra and my hair short, but I like the term “hippie, dippy, trippy” ala Stacey London if that helps. But I must admit I’m anal retentive and worry a lot.  To hippies, I’m probably the equivalent of garlic to vampires!

 

Tell me, BC:  Why does the porridge bird lay its eggs in the air? – Ron.

Dear Ron.,

In the world of imaginary birds, they can lay their eggs wherever the hell they want to!  Of course, if you were looking for a more philosophical answer, I’m a little ver(klem)pt in coming up with a response, but I have to think it’s a matter of mimicking the stork  or a desire to egg your house.

So, how is that trophy wife wanna be thing going? – Carol Early Cooney

Dear Carol,

Unfortunately, God did not bless me with the looks of a trophy wife, nor did he agree with the theory “it’s just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor one.”  I’ve never attracted money, but I did attract the best man possible.  So to answer your question, the trophy wife theory is in the toilet, but I’m a damn lucky girl otherwise.

 

If you have something that you are not using now and you could sell it and get the money which you could always use but don’t necessarily have a plan for it now or you could hold onto this something thinking maybe sometime down the line you might repurpose it but don’t have any specific plan for that either, what should you do?  Keep it or sell it? – Mischa

Dear Mischa,

My rule of thumb would be that if it has sentimental attachment, you keep it and wait to repurpose it.  Or…assuming it’s not your child, see if you can sell it.  If it doesn’t sell, it was meant to be yours until further notice.

 

What is your real name?  Do you like it? – Gail Kushner

Dear Gail,

My name is Enid Edna Euclid Bolton Carley.  No, I’m kidding.  It’s actually Erica Bolton Carley.  Prior to getting married, a lot of people called me by my last name:  Bolton.  When I got married, I had a hard time letting go of my maiden name as I am the last of the Boltons so I decided to have my pen name be Bolton Carley as both my parents and my husband deserve all credit if I should ever make it in writing.

As for Erica, it’s actually a great name.  I put the Erica in America. Lol.  But mostly only people from home refer to me as that these days.

 

Do you ever wish you had chosen a different path in life?  – Lucy White Amos

Dear Lucy,

The paths I take always have cattle crap on them, so I clearly pick the wrong ones. Lol.

However, I have often thought of other career options like interior design or party planning or anything using my creativity, especially writing.  But other than a different career path, I have been blessed in all other aspects of my life.  And I believe God put me on the road he wanted me on whether it’s shit-covered or broken or the road less traveled.

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What’s the story behind the photo of the cow in the Santa hat?  Any other animal costumes to tell us about? – Joanna Murnan

Dear Joanna,

That was our humorous Christmas photo a few years ago.  We purchased our first cow and calf and were celebrating it as I grew up a farm girl that showed shorthorns.  We don’t have any other pets unless you include the baby deer in our backyard, but they prefer eating my hostas to wearing a fedora.

 

I grew up in a small town and wish myself back there at times.  Did you like growing up in a small town? (your sister is my hairdresser!!) – Sarah Critz

Dear Sarah,

Growing up was not all sunshine and lollipops for me, but consider me the poster-child for John Cougar Mellencamp’s Small Town.  I live in the ‘burbs out of a deep dislike for commuting, but my heart shall forever remain attached to the values and mentality of Oakland, Iowa circa 1985ish.

P.S. – I’ll be getting my hair cut this week. Lol.

 

Do cows moo all the time?  I’d think it’s kind of a nice noise… – Elissa Field

Dear Elissa,

Does a tree in the forest make a sound when it falls if no one is around?  Lol.

Truthfully, cows moo to call their kids, to request being fed (even if they were a few minutes ago), when they are looking to get some action, or to comment on what they consider to be a ridiculous situation – so it’s pretty much the same as a man talking. Lol.

 

1)What is your all time favorite book and why?

2)What is your all time favorite quote and why? – Stacie

Dear Stacie,

Without question, my favorite book of all time is 50 Shades of Gray.  Lol.  Actually, truth be told, my favorite book of all time is ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore.  How can you not like a book that rhymes about a fat man that brings you presents as long as you promise to take a nap?  That’s my kind of situation and it always makes me happy!

As for a favorite quote, I have lots.  I try to live by the Golden Rule, but can’t promise I’m so great at it.  If I have to pick one, I’d say:

I demand more of myself than anyone else could ever expect. – Dr. J

Let’s just say I don’t like to come to the party empty-handed.

 

Dear BC:  What are your favorite chicken recipes? – Sopphey

Dear Sopphey,

As a beef producer’s daughter, I’d have to say anything made of beef and light on chicken. Lol.

Seriously though, I’m a big fan of fried chicken plank wraps.  Buy the strips/tenderloins.  Mix egg and salt.  Dip the strips in that.  Then dip them in Great Value Italian seasoned bread crumbs and fry in olive oil.  Wrap them up in Life Balance wheat tortilla wraps with a little shredded cheese (and sour cream if you’re like my husband or Kraft sweet and sour if you’re like me).  Yum.

 

How do you calculate the amount of weight necessary to keep a decomposing body far enough below the surface to go unnoticed but still far enough above the bottom that it moves with the current to the sea?  – Harry

Dear Harry,

Apparently, you haven’t watched enough NCIS episodes.  I’m pretty sure Ducky went over that.  But in these parts, you dig a deep hole, make sure you have the kind of friends who don’t ask too many questions, and you skip getting water involved.  However, I guess that didn’t work very well for Tom Brady’s sidekick, now did it?

 

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? – Linda

Dear Linda,

Growing up, I wanted to be a farmer, a teacher, or a DJ.  Guess two outta three ain’t bad, right?  But now days I think when I grow up I want to be a humor writer, a wealthy retired person, or a personal gift shopper.  Do you think it can still happen? Lol.

 

I know you’re madly in love with your husband and your children, but if everything would be ok with them, would you pack up your life and move it somewhere? Tropical island, huge historic European city, Paris to make your children learn French? What is your unfulfilled fantasy life? 🙂 Cheeky aren’t we? – Veronica

Dear Veronica,

Madly in love with my husband?  Yes, but I don’t actually have children unless you include students that I teach and 14 nieces and nephews that mean the world to us (hence all the pictures you probably naturally assumed were ours).  Would I ever leave the Midwest?  Absolutely not.  Islands have sand.  Paris has mini-sized glasses of Coke minus the sugar and castles don’t have nearly enough heat, decorative pillows, or big-screen TVs.  I’ll stick with my couch and furry blanket.

As for a fantasy life, I’ve never had much imagination for that.  Would I be okay with being the other host with Kathie Lee and Hoda enjoying frequent guest appearances by Carson Daly and Matt Damon and Darius Rucker?  Yes.  Sign me up as long as we’re live from Iowa or Nebraska.  New York’s not redneck enough for this girl.

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1. What is your favorite thing about teaching?
2. What is your least favorite thing about teaching?
3. What is your proudest achievement in writing?
4. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
5. What material thing could you not live without? – Jen

Dear Jen,

1 – My favorite thing about teaching would have to be summers off. Lol.  Or maybe knowing some kid won’t burn their house down because of me. Lol.  And maybe those kids I taught that as adults end up as my facebook friends. I think that might say something.

2 – My least favorite thing about teaching is that I have to be very careful as a writer to keep my life as a writer separate from teaching and students as I do not want to lose my job ever.  I also hate that teachers take the blame for a lot of situations that we can identify as problems long before anyone else notices, yet we are not given the resources to correct or rectify the wrongs even though we’d like to do so.

3 – I’m still waiting for that day that I can shine as a writer.

4 – If I could live anywhere, I’d live about 45 minutes from here in a mega-ranch-style house designed especially to fit my life with the hubs and, of course, it would be retro.

5 – I could not, would not, not in a house, not with a mouse, live without… a toilet. I was destined for indoor plumbing, and I shall leave it at that!

 

Anything?

Okay…I’ll ask some “normal” questions and some more, ummm, let’s say, creative questions.

1. What was your favorite book as a child?

2. If a magic creature offered you the opportunity to write a best-selling book with the condition that you could only gain fame and not money, that all the funds would go toward a charity, would you do it? (I somehow think you would because you are a super nice person and would want to help so…) the next question is…which charity organization would you choose and why?

3. What is your favorite kind of cake and have you ever mentioned said cake in a story or poem?

and lastly

4. If you could meet any author, living or deceased, who would you want to meet? – Linda E. H.

Dear Linda E.H.,

1 – My favorite book as a kid was called Oh, Were They Ever Happy (by Peter Spier) in which the parents go to work, the babysitter doesn’t show up, and the kids paint the house.  Still LOVE that book!

2- Oh, wow!  Of course I would take the magical creature up on it!  (And thanks for thinking I’m nice.  Shh…don’t tell anyone.)  I have a lot of charities I’d love to help out – I’d have to divvy it out, but here are the top 4:  The 4-H Foundation would get 1st dibs.  I believe it’s a wonderful organization that makes kids amazing adults.  The American Cancer Society and Open Door Mission would get cuts, too, but I have to go grass roots, too.  My sister, Mischa, runs a great charity to help families in need.  If I could send money her way to make the world a better place, I would.  I know she’d do right by the funding.

3 – lol.  My favorite kind of cake to make is a Jell-O cake.  My fave kind to eat is somewhere between a cake and a pie called The Reese’s Brownie Royale at Summer Kitchen Café and oh, yes, I use it every chance I get.  There have to be a million odes to it!  It’s just that wonderful!

4 – If I could meet an author, it would be a tough call.  My writing friends liken me to Erma Bombeck so I’d love to meet her, but Shakespeare would be pretty great, too, and the ultimate author/creator of my generation:  Aaron Spelling.  Some may not recognize him as an author, but any man that can bring me Love Boat and Charlie’s Angels makes my list!

 

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? – Leebreanne

Dear Leebreanne,

I’m guessing only Monty Python knows.  Then again, there’s rumor that the boys at Google are on to something, too, and seeing as how they are moving in about 4 miles from my house, maybe I can crash their party and get answers for you.

 

Ok, I have to ask… what do you have in common with Michael Jordan? – Sara Steven

Dear Sara Steven,

Thank you for being the one, the one that asked.  I’d love to say it was our cash flow, but actually M.J. and I share a birthday.  We are both your typical Aquarians. Lol.

 

So what is “it” really all about anyway? – drpkp

Dear drpkp,

“It” is really all about learning to like yourself and be happy with what you’ve been given.  If you figure out how to make that happen, be sure to CC me in on that memo, please.

 

Why do you do this to yourself? – Eileen

Dear Eileen,

Define “this.” Lol. Seriously though, I do this because I want to make my place in this world as a writer and if I can make people laugh, that brings me happiness.

 

Finally, a big thank-you to all that asked questions!  Hope my smart-assedness was not too offensive and if you missed your chance yesterday, feel free to add a new question in the comment section or just smart off below on what you just read.  You know I like me some commentary!

And feel free to share with your friends that your fave (ha ha) blogger answered your question today! 

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