no ducks were harmed in the making of this photo.

no ducks were harmed in the making of this photo.

So I’m watching TV this morning as any good slacker would do, and I see that TLC is starting a new show called, Best Funeral Ever.  Now, friends, we’ve already chatted about the importance of a proper funeral photo and the inherent need for it, but now, it’s sounding like you might need to plan your own going-away party, too!

I kid you not.  The previews show a tribute to a man who helped invent the baby back rib song with dancing rib people, a Dallas Cowboy-themed funeral (obviously one with more faith in Jerry Jones than the rest of us), and a family taking ashes on a carnival ride at the state fair (let’s hear it for state fair goers).  Wow!

Welcome to a whole new world!  Apparently, Amazing Grace, Kleenex, and some lilies just ain’t gonna cut it anymore.   So are they right?  I don’t know.  What do you think?

I have some qualms with both sides.  As a true traditionalist, it feels completely wrong to weed out religious hymns and scripture, and I’m a full believer that tears make the grieving process go a lot faster.  However, they played the Beach Boys at my uncle’s funeral and it seemed fitting.  And I did love Elizabeth Taylor’s decision to show up at her own funeral fashionably late.  Absolutely perfect.   I guess I just worry someone might take it too far…as in they might videotape it and send it to TLC!  Oh, no, nobody would ever take it too far.  (cough, cough)

They might be dancing on our graves by the time we get all said and done and if they do it in a spare rib costume; I won’t be finding the humor in it.  So then I have to ponder if all of us will get stuck with the traditional boring funeral only because nobody loved us enough to plan properly.  I mean, we can hardly get a brunch scheduled in my family, let alone a funeral!  You know what I mean?  Are you suddenly having visions of your closet being put on display in the narthex or the YouTube video of you doing a very drunken Macarena dance being shown?

What will they think of next?  Let me be the first to say that I think funerals could be the next version of cracking the wedding market.  Before you know it, we’ll be having funeral theme planners and invitations to body viewings.  We’ll have quotes of the deceased as centerpieces or last words of advice framed and party favors of their favorite candy, cigars, or gum.  But here’s an even scarier thought:  what if they start doing an instagram slide show where everyone dumps all their iphone photos of you on the laptop as they walk in?

Are you trying to decide if I have a future as a funeral planner or are you more worried of the photos of you popping into your head?  Yeah, I know.  I wavered between the two thoughts as well, but since I have an in with the funeral home owner, I think I’ll start there.  Besides, I better get my requests in for a shorthorn petting zoo and my family to do a flash mob to How Great Thou Art.  Oh, and friends who shall remain nameless, those photos of me in braids at Texas Roadhouse better not show up if you don’t want to be haunted.  Otherwise, get your shoes on, we’ve got some grave dancin’ to do!

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Got some suggestions for your final parting soiree? Or are you actually going to watch the show?  Or are you morally opposed?  Let’s hear it.  Go on record below.

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