Leftovers? What leftovers?

Let’s talk turkey…No, really.  Let’s talk turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, pie…  Sure, we could talk football, parades, black Friday-turned-Thursday shopping, and tryptophan napping, but there’s food to discuss, so let’s go with that!

If you haven’t figured out by now, I’m a traditionalist.  I like my turkey (dark meat if I have my druthers), mashed potatoes sans gravy, corn, homemade rolls (preferably not by me!!), pink salad, and pecan pie.  (As you might have noted in an earlier blog, I’m anti-pumpkin so feel free to man that pie on your own!)  I’m guessing your family has some variation of that meal, right?

I know some people who throw in some homemade mac and cheese, relish trays, stuffing of course, green bean casserole, and maybe even some deviled eggs.  But if it involves Jell-O and you’re from Iowa, then it damn well better have marshmallows in it.  Just sayin’.

Are all those staples sounding familiar?  Listen, I’m good with that if you like ’em.    And maybe you have a family member who is the best cook in the world so they have one dish they bring to every family function.  Heck, I’m all good with that, too.  Of course, there’s also that family member who comes in carrying beer, wine, margaritas, and a cozie for everyone assuming drunk, dysfunctional troops get along better than sober ones.  I certainly can’t argue that point!

What blows my mind are the other people.  You know who I’m talking about.  There’s always that one family member who shows up empty-handed, and I guarantee you that they are the last one to offer to clean up the dishes or the toys the kids left out.  How does that person just “show up?”  And how do they not realize that didn’t contribute anything when Cousin Elma carried in 7 pies with homemade freaking crusts???  Okay, I get it if they flew in or are 97 years old or 15, but if they live down the street and are between the ages of 25 and 75, what the hell?  Are you with me?

My other favorite person at the party is the person who decides to be “different” and by different, I don’t mean in a good way.  There’s always that family member, we’ll call her Aunt Bethany, that decided to be “creative” in their culinary concoctions.  People, people, people.  It’s Thanksgiving!  Nobody wants to branch out to your cranberry-mustard glazed ham.  If you saw it on Rachael Ray and followed the recipe exactly, then maybe we’ll consider it, but if you just whipped up what sounded good to you or what you had in the cabinets, then for the love of all things holy, re-think “trying something new.”

You wanna try something new?  How ‘bout you wear a new eye shadow or bring a new lager for the masses to try.  Do not, I repeat, do not bring your scary-ass, unidentifiable aspic mold to our table!  There’s something called “normal” and we like it!

Of course, I say all that, and really it’s up to you.  Eat whatever you want.  Every year, it’s pizza for the Quartermaines.  At least it’s easy.  And honestly, as long as I don’t have to eat at your house, I could give a crap what you shovel in.  All I ask is that you remember to be thankful for it.  Oh, and don’t be afraid to send some leftovers my way, too!

Happy Thanksgiving 2012, everyone!


P.S. – Do you have a food tradition at your house or a fave you can’t resist?  Go ahead and share it with us below!  And a little shout-out to all of you who’ve already spent some time being thankful in The Blessed Turkey Project – 939 people strong!  Thank you for that.