Are you ready for some…shopping?  The elections are over.  The turkey’s gonna get cooked.  But I know what you’re really waiting for:  BLACK FRIDAY!  Woo-hoo!

Yes, I realize it’s still almost 2 weeks out.  However, now is the time to prep.  Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to be prepared!  (Guys, I do know some of you are not the shopping kind.  No worries.  I’ve got your master list, too.  Girls who hate Black Friday and shopping:  I don’t think I can help you, but you might just want to read the guys’ list if necessary.)

Black Friday Shopper Prep

Black Friday Spouse Prep

Get wish lists from all the people you will be shopping for this season. 

Why now?  The minute Thanksgiving rolls in, your bah humbug crowd gets cranky and unhelpful.  Trust me.  I’m related to tons of them!   Oh, and don’t forget to “encourage” the people who do Secret Santa at work to let you know your person.

 Load up on beer for the games and phone calls from your distressed significant other about deals gone bad.

Make a date! 

Shopping on Black Friday is at least a 2 person operation.  More eyes on the prizes.  One to stand in line while one collects steal of a lifetime.  And one to laugh at the other for their bad bedhead, too.

Plan your leftovers meal and how you’ll smuggle dessert out of your mother’s house.

Do re-con.

Check current prices on the items you plan to purchase on BF ahead of time.  Know whether it’s a deal or not.  Also, check out the layout of the store for maximum time usage, especially bathrooms because after you have the coffee you picked up at Starbucks to function at 3am, you’ll need them ASAP.  And you can look for spoilers on the internet.  Some are already trickling out.

Make sure the Christmas lights are working so you can earn your keep for the day by quickly putting them up and getting back to your games and nap.

Plan your outfits.

Nothing says Black Friday like people in matching Who’s the Ho? t-shirts, antler headbands, or Santa baby miniskirts.  (Although I wouldn’t recommend those in Nebraska in late November.  Just sayin’) Oh, and for the love of all things pretty, please remember that yoga pants show all the pecan pie you ate the day before when you bend over.

Come up with a logical excuse why you’re unavailable to be a co-shopper. 

Otherwise, you will be the designated driver, the stand-in-liner, or the 2nd person necessary when it’s one per customer in a herd of retail vampires.

Brush up on your ninja moves. 

Sharpen up your elbows.   Practice your slide into home plate.  Do a karate kick or two.  Meditate on the goal.  Don’t be letting those dastardly blue hairs fool ya.  They’ll take the last one and leave you in mourning.  No turning back.  Karate chop if you must.  ( no blue hairs were hurt in the writing of this blog)

Begin emergency phone contact list.

AKA – debt financing plans for money dropped shopping, counselor – for psychological scarring of trampled spouse, and Ask a Nurse for all scrapes and bruising or caffeine overdose of spouse.  (one can never be too careful)

Or you could just say “screw it,” stay in bed all day, and figure you can just order crap on Cyber Monday.  (But you’ll be breaking my heart.)

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Do you have a great Black Friday tradition to share?  Are you loyal to the internet?  Do you have an inside scoop to share with us?  Fill us in below in the comment section.

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