Holy 50 Shades of Orange!  What is the world coming to?  If my eyes do not deceive me, I do believe we’ve become a pumpkin nation overnight!  When did pumpkin become the new chocolate?  Here we were living in our little world of dark, milk, hot, caramel-centered, and unhealthy and now suddenly we’ve got pumpkin-itis.

When did all of you become pumpkin-obsessed?  I have to wonder if it’s a chicken-or-the-egg situation.  Did you all become pumpkin addicts because the stores put it out there or did the stores cater to your passions?  Honestly, I guess that really doesn’t matter.  What matters is that some of you are being swayed over to the dark side, or should I say the burnt orange side?

If I didn’t know any better I’d think Bubba Gump ditched shrimp and took up pumpkins!  Everywhere I turn there’s a recipe for pumpkin bars, pumpkin brownies, pumpkin frozen dessert, and pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting.  (And don’t kid yourselves, we all know that’s why you eat the cake!)  And, for the record, you can have your cake and eat it, too, because I certainly don’t want any!  Plus, you can keep your healthy pumpkin seeds, too, unless you wanna dip ‘em in chocolate to make ‘em edible.

Here we were living our little lives with a traditional pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and those nasty orange and green hard candy pumpkins on Halloween, and now I’m seeing facebook posts of pumpkin spice latte mustaches and Sonic pumpkin pie shake cups in the garbage.  Not to mention how upset I am about pumpkin crème Hershey’s kisses.  Are you kidding me??? There are only 2 kinds of kisses:  chocolate and French.  Need I say more?

Perhaps I’m over-reacting (it’s not like me to do that though – lol), but it just seems like everyone’s become a pumpkin addict.  I’m betting Beyonce would have a hit with Pumpkin-licious.  Even the beer makers have gone pumpkinesque.  They’ve got pumpkin ales and pumpkin spiced rums.  My coworkers are lapping it up like cattle in 110 degree weather.

Here’s the thing:  I’m all for picking them, gutting them, cutting them, and decorating them, but must we eat them???

I understand that whole “tis the season” theory, but let us not forget the real reason for the Halloween season:  candy!  Of the chocolate variety!!  Well and I suppose dressing up like slutty nurses, too, but even they prefer chocolate, I’m sure.  I get that you want to spice up your life, but must it be with pumpkin spice?  For the love of all things chocolate, don’t let yourselves be converted or tricked-or-treated into falling for a decoy.    If you need to stick with the holiday, what’s so wrong with going with Devil’s food?  It’s the devil’s holiday, right?  Nothing like a devil’s food cake drenched in chocolate and vanilla cobwebs to scream “Halloween,” right?  Who’s with me?

Okay, I know the answer to that… Nobody.  I know when I’m the minority and outvoted.  It would appear this would be one of those times.  So go have your pumpkin chocolate chip muffins and pumpkin risotto, but when the clock strikes midnight on All Hallow’s Night, you better be turning back into chocolate-lovers with visions of Ghiradelli and Dove dancing in your heads!  Until then, I’ll be the loner in the corner getting fat on Snickers trying to keep Hershey’s and Mars in business.  (Listen, it’s a sacrifice, but I’m willing to take one for the team.  Of course, if you wanna join my team, there’s always room for a fellow choco-holic.  Just say the word.  And the word, of course, is fudge.)  And for the rest of you, well, you’re still pumpkintastic in my book!

Advertisements