Let’s see a show of hands.  Who’s misplaced their car keys, their kids, or their cell phone this week?   Figured.   Let me assure you that you are not alone.  Half the time, I can’t even remember where I parked my car ten minutes ago!  I hate it when that happens!  And there’s nothing worse than wanting to kick your own ass!

Do you have lists on every cabinet, post-it notes on your keys and steering wheel, or cell phone reminders that beep every 22.5 seconds it seems like?  Or is it too much work to even set all those things up to try to remember what you were supposed to do because, after all, it’s not like you won’t remember to turn off the oven, put the next load of laundry in, pick up your son at T-ball, or pay the mortgage?  I know.  Damn it.  I think the same thing every time.  Oh, no, I’ll remember.   Who needs Siri? No need to worry…and then about 4:30am I wake up in a panic realizing I totally blew it off.  I have friends who’ve forgotten their dog was in their car till they went to feed it and realized it wasn’t coming to its bowl.  And how many of you know somebody whose family member backed into another family member’s vehicle because they forgot it was there?  Uh-huh.

It’s baffling to me how we can’t remember to drop off the dry cleaning sitting in the passenger’s side seat next to us, but we can remember Tommy stealing our Snoopy watch in 2nd grade.  Seriously.  I read a book last week and it mentioned strawberry shampoo and I instantly had a flashback to the Redken strawberry shampoo my sister used to buy for me when I was in the single digits.  I remember that, but I cannot tell you what I ate for supper last night.  I know some people who can make a frittata from scratch…without the recipe, but can’t remember to purchase new, clean underwear.  Yeah, that makes sense.

Why is it that we cannot block out the image of our ex-boyfriend kissing our best friend or the smell of pig crap on a hot day, but our wedding day is a blur and our password for iTunes is lost in the blithering inferno of our brains?  It’s fascinating to me that something can trigger us to think of Aunt Martha’s pink bathroom (complete with pink toilet paper) that stunk of cheap perfume, Kleenex (Kleenex?  How does one notice the scent of tissues?  But I get it.  It’s just “there.”), and a puff of powder, but I’ll be damned if I can come up with the door code for my workplace.  Or what about when you go to the grocery store to get milk and bread, and you come home with milk, diet cola, a rotisserie chicken, and gum, but no bread?  Man, that pisses me off.  Memory is a wicked, wicked witch sometimes.

It’s one of those funny things that can come and go without logic.  (I’m sure there’s a completely scientific reason for this, but if you were looking for that, you really need to be friends with someone else!)  And whether or not I can explain it, isn’t the issue.  The issue is: how are you going to get out of being in trouble for not picking up the hot dogs for the BBQ or wishing your best friend a Happy Birthday on the proper day?  The way I look at it, when you forget something crucial, you have a few options for blame.  So when in doubt, I recommend one of the following excuses.  No one can blame you if you plead:

  • I  was drunk.  There’s absolutely no possible way you could expect me to recall that!
  • I was completely wiped out.  I’d been up since 4 and was going on a sum total of 3 hours of sleep.  Don’t look at me.
  • I’m old.  I’d rather not be, but I don’t exactly have control of that whole aging process thing.  So forgive me for my sins.
  • I am completely stressed out.  I have 2 big projects at work, the yard needs mown, the kids have practice at 5, 7, and 8:30, and at some point, I’m supposed to actually feed people.
  • Have you met my family?  Need I say more?  You wouldn’t have any brain power left either.

Those are some basic go-tos I feel you can use in any circumstance.  They pretty much cover everything, right?  And if they don’t, well, I’m pretty sure we can make you forget all about it.  Wanna a cookie?

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