ROADTRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Got big vacation plans for the summer?  One with the fam?  A second honeymoon?  Or a mancation?  I’m headed out with my girls (although we’re flying, not driving), but I have realized that packing should be a case study, or at least a suit-case study (ha ha… come on, laugh with me.  It was funny.  Don’t be like that!).  It never fails to amaze me the difference between a man and woman packing to go someplace.

Men, am I right?  Do you all just grab a bag 15 minutes before you leave and drop crap in making sure you have plenty of underwear and your “other pair” of shoes and figure you can just buy anything you don’t have when you get there?  Oh, and if you’re going by car, I’m sure the cooler gets packed long before your wife!  Is this not how it works?  Or do you have a wife or girlfriend who just takes care of all of it for you (I can see her shaking her head at you as we speak)?  In my experience, those are the only 2 options.

Women are a whole different ballgame.  I have come to the conclusion that we make it an art form.  Packing for women is, at a minimum, a week-long process.    I guarantee you I am not alone in the fact that if a woman is leaving her family she makes sure they have food to eat, clean clothes to wear, and an emergency phone list.  Or if she’s taking the whole family on a roadtrip she has coolers packed with everyone’s favorite treats, beverages so it’s cheaper, and games to entertain the kids so she doesn’t have to go all backwoods on their asses with a sing-a-long of Kumbayah.  That’s just how it goes!

I pondered why that is.  Why is it that we contemplate how many pairs of shoes it’s “legal” to take?  Why do we have a list a mile long that makes us so worn out by the time we get to vacation that we’re either sick or sporting a white-trash-cold-sore the size of Eastern Kentucky?  Why is it that we don’t just pack a bag for ourselves and call it good?  My deductions –

  1.  We like the anticipation of a vacation, and we’re willing to blame it on packing (Hello, foreplay.  It fits our mold.)
  2.  We know that unless we start early, it will be a foul-smelling carload of family members (laundry – a woman’s fact of life)
  3.  We cannot willy nilly a suitcase – there’s no “Oh, I’ll just hop down to Walgreens for a 32E bra or a new set of birth control pills!
  4.  We cannot be Baby’s sister from Dirty Dancing (“Mom, I knew I should have brought the coral shoes!!!!” – AMEN!)
  5.  No woman wants to come home to see her home has been over-run with shit piles she has to high-step and find take-out boxes littering the house as well as fruit flies swarming the week-old, dead banana peels in the kitchen trash can.

Am I right?  Does that pretty much cover it?  I also happen to think we feel that if we are ultra-organized and prepared that our vacation will therefore go better and properly.  We like to control things.  Well, that and if we roll our clothes instead of dumping them in, we can get in twice as many options (and shoes!!!)  for the week and they won’t be wrinkled.  My husband has a different theory:  he says we just like to torture ourselves so that we firmly believe we deserve the vacation once we get there.  Is he all wrong?  Well, I’d hate to admit my opinion on it so I’ll leave you to your own opinions.

All I can say is that I gotta go.  I gotta pack my silver shoes, because nobody puts Baby in the corner!  Happy Vacay!

(P.S.  –I’ve also added my oh-so-timeless list of packing necessities in case you need a little help prepping for your trip away.  If you see something I missed, be sure to share!)

Packing List:

Happy Smiles

Driver’s License

Car or outlet phone charger

Cash (for alcoholic beverages)

Credit card


Bras (only if you’re female, or not… I guess)

Socks (even in summer)

Sunscreen (and lotion)

PJs (if you wear ’em, but please don’t tell me!)

Bug spray

A jacket/sweatshirt

Multiple pairs of shoes (that you can walk in)

Band-aids (for the blisters for the shoes you thought you could walk in)

Hair products (shampoo, conditioner, blow dryer, brush, comb, accessories)

Make-up bag (if anybody’s going to see you)

Camera (be sure to get those swampy 3 day unwashed hair day looks)

Shorts, jeans, t-shirts, dresses (if you must – lol)

Toothbrush and toothpaste (please, for all of us)

DEODERANT!!!  (AND a razor!!!)

Reading material (Hello, Summer Vacay! by bolton carley can be purchased here:

Ipod, GPS, DS, Cell Phone


Swimsuit (I know – it’s a special kind of torture, but you’ll be glad you have it!)

Sunglasses!!! (for hangovers or otherwise…)

The right company (shout-out to my Loop Girls!)