Whatcha packin’ in yer Easter basket? No, that’s not a euphemism. Just simply asking if you’ve made a basket full of goodies for somebody (it does sound dirty, doesn’t it?). Why do I ask? Well, it seems to me that we all worry about the tatter tots at Easter, but let me introduce you to the Adult Easter Basket. You’re never too old to like getting gifts and having somebody remember that you exist!
Seriously. What’s so wrong with doing something extra special for your spouse, your mommy and daddy, your elderly neighbor down the street, or your co-worker that has been shit on repeatedly lately? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be excited to the see the Easter Bunny show up at your door! I guarantee he’ll be showing up at mine!
So let me share with you how the Easter Hare works (no bunnies at our age!). The Easter Hare can make a basket using a gift bag, a wrapping covered shoe box, a laundry basket (which probably needs replacing anyway), or an old suitcase duck-taped up for that matter. The over 21 version of the Easter basket doesn’t actually have to be a basket just some make-shift version of it because we don’t care about the packaging. We’re all about the insides (at least, that’s what we tell people).
Once you have your “basket,” then you need to find the appropriate filler. If you want to stick with the Easter theme, you could start by giving Bunny Tracks ice cream (get it?) with some Dixie paper bowls (no mess) and a new ice cream scoop (because probably they’re still using the one their mom passed down to them when they went to college that she kept as a back-up. You just realized that’s what you own, too, don’t you?) . If melting would be an issue, I happen to like to use baked goods. Nobody over 21 is upset to get homemade food as long as it’s identifiable and non-toxic (read as: if you’re not a crappy cook). I like to give cookies or banana bread or chocolate chip muffins. Just some quick options.
If you’ve got a college kid, I’m all for mac and cheese, microwave popcorn, spaghetti-o’s, chips, and beef jerky, but I’m sure you could hunt down some ramen, too. Now, if you’re low on time for the holiday weekend with no time to spare, there’s nothing unacceptable about chocolate! Who doesn’t love chocolate? I’m a big fan of those Reese’s peanut butter eggs and those candy-coated Hershey chocolate eggs that are almost impossible to find these days. Not afraid to break out the sour gummy bunnies, either. And if you know the person, you know whether they’re a peep show kind of guy. Personally, you can keep your peeps to yourself, but did you see they now come on their own pole? Well, technically, it’s a lollipop stick, but it sounds more fun to call it their stripper pole.
However, you may be thinking to yourself that nobody in your house, or around you, needs any candy. For shame! Okay, so we don’t need the added pounds, and if that’s the case, skip the chocolate (I can’t believe I just said that!!!). Last time I checked, the hippity hop hare was down with other treats, too. Need a little help? I’m on it!
First off, nothing says l love my husband like a 6 pack a beer (unless it’s a 24 pack of beer). Who doesn’t like a basket of beer and pretzels (well, besides me)? Beer not appropriate for Easter in your mind? That’s fine. There’s always books and magazines with bubble bath and candles for the ladies. I’m a big fan of flip-flops, sun tan lotion, and bug spray. Love me some summer! And always like when Easter gifts are useful – you know, not the giant carrot decoration that says “Happy Easter!” that sits in your storage area for a year and then you forget to get it out before Easter only to hear your husband say on a monthly basis that you have too much crap. Just sayin’. And if you really wanna get useful, go with the basket of man panties and socks for the hubs or a beach towel and mini umbrellas for your best friend. Nothing wrong with baskets of fishing lures, golf balls, or pansies (the flowers, not the unmanly types), either.
The Easter Hare is all about celebrating our blessings and the people around us are those blessings. They put up with us. They love us. They bail us out when we get drunk and disorderly. They order pizza to celebrate our 20 pound weight loss (lol). They even listen to us vent about all the stupid people who don’t do what we wanted them to do when everyone else knows we are exactly right about everything!
The Easter Hare knows that we may be grown up, but we’re not too old for surprises, or treats, or getting that fuzzy feeling that somebody loves us. Listen, he’s not even above a mini bar bottle egg hunt if you need to. Plus, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Getting to be the Easter Hare gives you that same winter-afternoon-tummy-full-ready-for-a-well-deserved-nap kind of feeling, too. You can’t help be a little happy at other people’s happiness, but if you decide to dress up as the Easter Hare, well, we’ll see you on YouTube I guess. Until then, Happy Easter!