What went wrong for you this week? Did your car crap out? Did your kid’s school call? Did you run out of beer in the garage beer fridge? Did your significant other piss you off so bad you know you should ditch them? Did you realize it’s effing March and you still haven’t taken down your Christmas decorations? Did you have a hormonal fit of rage over nobody putting their damn dishes in the dishwasher even though you’ve explained 300 bajillion times how that sets you off? Did your husband then point out you must be hormonal to which you wanted to kill him? Did you look at your receipt at the ATM and realize you’re living on ramen and Diet Coke for the next two weeks? I know. All of it could have happened and probably did.
I’ve been having one of those weeks the last few weeks myself. And it only takes one little thing to push you over the edge. I’m now on hour 9 of trying to reload all the crap back to my computer that I lost in some form of full-scale computer corruption. I’ve now talked to all 5000 English-as-a-Second-Language speaking employees at Samsung over the course of the last 3 days. To which I can’t seem to blame them because I had to have been an idiot in some capacity for my computer to have crashed in the epic proportions it did. Therefore, I continue to beat myself up over the whole situation as I’m sure you do, too, when you insert your foot in your mouth to your boss or wish you hadn’t told your ex you’re going out of town with the kids knowing full well he still knows how to get in your house and will come watch porn on your TV all weekend and charge it to you. These are the things that happen to us because sometimes, life just sucks.
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes let the bad shit get the best of me. Why is that when somebody asks about our day we can tell them that our computer didn’t save our new form we spent half the day creating, the bathroom smelled ungodly foul because we made the mistake of going in after Jerry’s 2:00 visit, the girl next to us got roses from her latest screw, and we forgot our lunch on the kitchen table? Why is that we can remember all of that, but we can’t think to comment on the fact that Lauren said we had cute hair today, or that we are quitting early next Friday to have a going-away party for Phil’s retirement after 35 years, or that our little league team had a good practice tonight? It’s just too easy to notice all the crappy stuff and so hard to keep in mind all the good stuff.
I kinda think they should start selling iCheerleaders like Siri for bad days. I’ve decided we all need Siri monitoring our progress each day and when something goes wrong, she can say in her accent, “It’s okay. You’ve already killed a spider, paid the bills, and made lunches today. One mistake won’t hurt anything.” Can you imagine how much better life would be with our very own set of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders pulling us through the day every day? (Yes, boys, go ahead and visualize that.) Or what if we just had a robotic Oprah saying, “Amen!” each time we were successful? Suddenly, your extra efforts to pick up all the socks behind the couch, not flipping off the car that cut you off, and avoidance of eating a second Girl Scout cookie will all be applauded and appreciated. Who doesn’t need that?
The thing is that Apple hasn’t come out with an iCheer ap yet so I guess until they do, you’re going to have to rely on yourself and the good friends you surround yourself with. That being said, you might want to borrow my husband. I’d offer me, but I’m more of an iNitpicker. I guess what I’m saying is that no matter how crappy things are, there’s some good there, too, you just have to take the time to find it. It’s easier if you have the right person beside you, and I probably need to take a moment to thank my hubs (who will probably never read this) for reminding me that even though computers suck and I’m completely ignorant, I’m also not dying of cancer or caught in artillery shell warfare in a 3rd world country.
At the end of the day, things are going to have gone wrong, but there’s nothing wrong with ordering a cocktail and trying to instead hear the iBoltonCarley voice in your head saying, “Hallelujah!”
Thanks also to http://halloweencheerleadercostume.com/dallas-cowboy-cheerleader-costume.php for the use of the photo!