So what did you give up?  Your half side of bacon every morning?  Your mocha-latte fix?  Your late night snack of popcorn and M&M’s?  I’ve read about a million Facebook posts declaring your Lenten offerings.  Anybody else notice that most people give up food or drinks?  I have to give mad props to my cousin, Kattie, for being original.  Haven’t heard a lot of people give up their “drive-free” attitude and agree to wear a seatbelt during Lent, and I love that she’s not going to cuss for the duration either.  Somehow, I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of Schitnitz and Holy Crapolas in her future!  Also giving a shout-out to Lauren for being the biggest gunner as she attempts Weight Watchers and the Stop Smoking Combo.  Wow! 

When I was growing up, I kinda thought that Lent was meant to screw the farmers and help the fish industry what with meatless Fridays and all.  As I got older, I came to the realization that they’re really an excuse to have fish-fry Fridays and drink merrily in the name of God.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above it, I’m just sayin’…  As a non-Catholic, I don’t have to give up anything to keep my status as a Methodist, but I have concluded why so many are so willing to jump on the Lenten bandwagon (well, besides the whole obvious and totally respectable religious reasons).  Lent is your New Year’s resolutions being re-born like a sinner or a non-virgin all wrapped up in one.  Plus, you only have to make it 40 days instead of 365, gotta love the percentages on that one. 

What I have to wonder is why there aren’t more declarations of sacrifices other than libations and junk food?  Why don’t we get to give up the good stuff like laundry or dishes or cooking?  Can’t we say paper plates for all?  Or I have given up cooking for Lent, find your own damn food?  Or guess we’ll see how many clothes really are in that closet of yours.  By the time Palm Sunday rolls around, you might need that palm leaf to cover up the private parts!  The thing about Lent is that a bunch of people give up a bunch of vices and bad habits to prove their abilities to resist temptation, when in fact, it just ends up torturing the people around them.  I kinda think it’s a testament of friendship and loyalty from those around you.  God has blessed you with these people who are willing to put up with you when you haven’t had your morning caffeine or your Casey’s donut for your mid-morning sugar high.  The Lord giveth and he taketh away. 

I mean, my husband said he gave up happiness for the sake of us getting married.  Where’s the true outpourings of selflessness here, people?  Nobody’s been jumping to give up their porn for lent, or their Beer:30 happy hour, or going without sexual encounters for the duration, or wearing underwear for the month.  Aren’t you willing to go commando for the cause?  Just asking.  Perhaps you could give up your Swamp People fix or your daily flipping off of the neighbors.  I’m just saying that it’s okay to think outside the box.  If you wanna leave your car in your garage and bike everywhere for Lent, just think of the money you’d save, the better shape you’d be in, oh, and how bad your hair would look when you arrived everywhere.  Trade-offs, my friends… There’s always trade-offs.

So this Lenten season, do what you gotta do.  Give up your Diet Coke, your expensive Lancome mascara, or your e-bay purchasing of rare Star Wars memorabilia, but unless there’s fried fish and a blessing from God involved, leave me out of it!  Besides, you might wanna keep your distance.  I’m giving up deoderant, shaving, and pleasantness for this go-round!  lol.

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