Did you say screw the laundry today so you could watch the love marathon on TBS?  Did you accidentally forget to go to the Pampered Chef party your friend was having so that you could take a nap?  Did you make chocolate chip cookie dough that didn’t make it to the oven?  Did you buy a 12 pack instead of a 6 pack?  Welcome, my friends, to the January Blahs.  My dear friend, Gita, calls them the January Flats.  I call them “sucky ass” for lack of a better term. 

Don’t know about you, but the doldrums have officially hit around here.  The holidays are gone.  The sun isn’t shining.  The 5 day work weeks have returned.  Your Starbucks runs have increased by at least 50%. Your skin is chalky.  Your clothes are tight.  Your clothes are starting to feel old and boring.  You noticed some wrinkles in the mirror.  You’ve possibly found a new internet site that sucks up your every waking moment (aka fb, pinterest, megaporn.com).   You’ve gone to 5, 423 games it feels like and eaten as many concession stand hot dogs.  Your life is too hectic to keep up with those damn resolutions you made a few weeks ago and how the hell was that only a few weeks ago?????  It seems like at least 3 months since you made that damn plan!  Yes, friends, we’ve gone over to the dark side.  The dark side of winter. 

The ole Seasonal Affective Disorder has caught us in its grip and the only savior is a free trip to Jamaica or a winning lottery ticket.  Seeing as how that won’t happen, guess we can all just stay in our jammies all day, not shower, eat chips, dip, cheese, and summer sausage, lay on the couch, and watch bad TV.  Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?  I know.  We’ve officially hit bottom.  I seriously said to someone that I was hoping for a snowstorm so I could have an excuse to hide in my house for at least 4 or 5 days.  I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with that picture.  That and me not showering??? Uck.

So the better question is:  what are we going to do about it?  We could clean out a closet and donate to the Salvation Army to feel good about ourselves.  We could get one of those really expensive sunlight lamps to lay under.  We could book a trip to Florida or Arizona.  We could start working out to get some of those supposed endorphins going.  We could start eating healthy shit like hummus and Greek yogurt.  We could clean our house and finally put all the rest of the Christmas decorations away only to get out the Valentine’s Day ones.  We could.  But why the hell would we???

Why not call in sick, or rent seasons 1-5 of Desperate Housewives, or drink the whole bottle of wine, or open that 2 pound bag of peanut butter M&M’s, or call your friend to bitch about the week?  Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!  Embrace it!  If it’s gonna be shitty, take it upon yourself to use it as an excuse to do whatever the Hell you really want to do that you never allow yourself to do because you know it just isn’t right.  There’s no shame during the January Sucks-to-Be-Us Blahs.  You have a foolproof reason!  I have yet to meet a person that doesn’t understand what it’s like to fuck the to-do list and do a whole lotta nothin’.  As quietly as it’s kept, all “so busy” people vegetate when nobody’s looking. 

Sure, you could scan in all the pictures for scrapbooks prior to 2004.  You could dust and wax the floor for the first time in 2 years.  You could make your family a homemade meal and eat at the table.  You could iron the whole gigantic pile that’s been sitting on the dryer since circa 1999.  You could alphabetize the food in your cabinets.  You could even take the car in for an oil change.  You could.  But why not cut yourself a break?  It’s January.  It’ll wait like it always does.  And in the meantime, you can bask in the glory of a warm blanket, a drink that warms you on the insides, and the validated feeling of knowing that the $2000 you spent to get an enormous big screen TV to watch is certainly not going to waste.  That right there is a true success story!

And today, I am all about taking my own advice.  So if you’re looking for me, don’t call me.  I’ll call you… right after the football games, my Hawaiian pizza (thanks Papa John’s), my nap, my grasshoppers, and my Facebook stalking.    

See you in February! lol.

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