Lecture #96 – dull in denver or bat-crap crazy in 2011? we still love ya.

uncanny crap happens

Are you ready to kick 2011 to the curb like a bad co-worker with B.O.?  Or was 2011 so monumental, you’re tearing up like a pregnant woman?  Either way, the valley girl translation is that 2011 is so out and 2012 is, like, in, so you better deal with it.

 

I know that some people don’t give the passing year a second thought and some give it more thought than it’s deemed worthy.  I myself like to reflect.  Of course, my hubs would tell you that the only thing that needs to reflect is a bike at night.  Guess we have differing schools of thought on the auld lang syne.  My husband sticks to the premise that what happened in the past is the past and you can’t change it so no need to consider it.  My theory is that you should always remember the past to make more thoughtful decisions about the future.  What that translates to is blah, blah, blah on both our parts. 

 

But being that I hate to be blah, I’m taking it up a notch.  The question is:  what do you have to say for your year? 

 

I don’t expect you to tell me you won a Nobel Peace Prize or you saved 50 orphans in Africa.  If you did, you’re a damn overachiever and you make the rest of us look bad!  (But I’m still impressed.  Mad props to you.)  If you tell me that you got a promotion at work or you gave birth to your first child, again I’m impressed.  If you tell me you have no idea what happened in 2011 because it was all a big blur, then welcome to the party!  Hop on the tailgating bus with me!   If I’d been a good little writer, I would have written everything down in my journal that I swore last January 1 I was going to keep up with, but realistically, I was so damn tired by the time I got to bed on January 26^th that the resolution died as fast as you killed that last 6 pack of Coors on Christmas Eve. 

 

Okay, that probably isn’t fair.  I’m sure we could all muster up some highlights of 2011. I’m sure we all have some great stuff to celebrate from 2011 if we really think about it.  You might be able to say you won against cancer, you took your youngest to kindergarten, you helped build a house for habitat for humanity, you bought that super hot convertible you’ve been saving for since 7^th grade, or you graduated with a degree that means you’re getting paid the big bucks.  Listen, I hope that’s the case.  I hope you can say lots of great shit happened to you in 2011, and by shit, I mean good stuff (I just happen to have a cussing problem and a lack of vocabulary).  Of course, there’s also a pretty good chance that unless you live under a rock in a desert in the middle of nowhere, you had some stuff happen in 2011 that you’d like to forget about.  Hey, that’s just how it works.  I know some people like to put on airs and not spread their dirty laundry, but me, well, I figure what the hell?  Why not hang it out there for everybody to catch a whiff?  My theory though is that instead of remembering the fabulous or tragic, why not remember the uncanny?  You know what I mean – the shit that could have only happened to you or around you like when your high school geometry teacher becomes your sister-in-law or you get kicked in the face by a bull, break your nose, and your sinuses are magically fixed. (Yes, feel free to quote the cross-eyed, mule story from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation here, Uncle Eddie.) 

 

Weird crap happens to all of us.  It just does.  Now, please understand that we will be the first to point and laugh at you or cry with you, but why not put it out there?  Why not embrace the bat-shit crazy parts of life that make it undeniably yours?  And if we learn a few life lessons along the way, woo-hoo for us!

 

I’ll go first.  This past year, I watched a crazy game of deer tag out my back window only to be pissed at myself after the fact that I didn’t think to videotape it with my camera.  Dur, dur, dur.  Rudolph wasn’t off the mark.  There really are deer games. 

 

I also found out that I am still semi-cool in a 13 year old’s mind because I know the words to the “I like big butts” song by Sir Mix-a-Lot.  Yeah, and guess what?  Baby Got Back came out in 1992, the year I graduated from high school and 6 years prior to that teenager’s birth.  Dear God.   

 

Heck, I even flew across the country to stay in a chateau on a mountain with a bunch of people I met on the internet and luckily, it wasn’t a scene out of a Scream movie.  It may be my first step to being friends with some New York Time’s best-selling authors.

 

Admit it, you have stories to tell, too.  You found out accidentally that you share a gynecologist with your sister.  You ran into your ex-girlfriend from high school and her kid looks an awfully lot like you.  You had drinks with a possible employer that you found out had sex with your sister in college.  (Here’s hoping she was good!)  Maybe you went to the grocery store for bologna and won the 1000^th customer prize of a year’s supply of toilet paper.  Maybe you got your hair cut by the guy who cut Ga Ga’s hair when she stopped over in Nebraska.  

 

See, you may not be able to brag about your millions or your rise to fame, but you can always find a story to tell.  So as 2011 ends, don’t forget to stop and store the crazy away for when you’re sitting in your rocking chair telling stories of walking to school uphill both ways so when we meet up at Oakland Manor, you’ll have some good shit to share with me! 

 

Happy 2012, boys and girls!

 

Posted by boltoncarley in Uncategorized Tags: 2011, 2012, comedy, crazy, entertainment, holidays, humor, new year's, new year's eve, new year's resolutions, reflection, year end