Some of you may be comatose from your sugar highs and some of you may be from getting your drink on. Either way, it’s Halloween weekend which I am using as an excuse for pretty much everything!
So here’s my Top 10 Excuses that come with Halloween:
10. Screw making dinner! I October 31st is a good excuse to text the kids a picture of the pepperoni Jack-O-Lantern pizza from Papa Murphy’s telling them what’s for supper tonight. I mean, come on, it’s a limited time only and how do you say “no” to an easy pizza night when the kids and dad will be begging for one once they see the pic? You can’t possibly disappoint them!
9. Let your inner teenager out to play! Halloween is also a good excuse to watch old cheesy-ass movies like Teen Wolf and Freaky Friday, the one with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan before she was an “alleged” coke head getting paid $750,000 to show the trifekta in Playboy. I’m just sayin’ – who doesn’t stop to watch those on cable when they’re on?
8. Hello, witchy witch! If there were ever an excuse to be a witch to everybody, here’s your chance! I’m not saying you can’t be one year-in, year-out. But why not blame your cursing, gravelly, head-chopping statements on the season instead of your usual demeanor? I’m all about it. Just getting into character. No more, no less.
7. Put on your MJ glove! Another great thing is that you can use Halloween as an excuse to put together a Thriller flash mob without looking pretentious. Gather the troops, the campus crazies, or the town folk hanging out at the bowling alley and sharpen your werewolf claws, we’re gonna thrill the night!
6. Break out the little wienies and margarita machine! Okay, seriously, Halloween is as good an excuse as any to par-tay, or for us less exciting people, we can just have a party in honor of All Hollow’s Eve. Who doesn’t like a day for playing with knives, drinking excessively in skimpy outfits, and scaring the shit out of people? Party on by if you get a chance.
5. Um, yeah, we were going for the “Haunted” look! Here’s the thing: I don’t know about you but I’m not the best housekeeper. The way I look at it, Halloween is an excuse to have cob webs and they’re considered part of the motif, not that you’re just a complete slack-ass about cleaning your house! Love it!
4. Horror of horrors! You’re going sans make-up??? Another complete score about Halloween is that you can look as scary as you really are first thing in the morning and it’s all just part of the day, not that you look like shit. It’s all for a good cause. It was completely planned, nothing to see here!
3. Here Lies Mr. Ben Dover… No disrespect to your boss because I’m sure they are the loveliest person you know, but Halloween is a legitimate reason to make the old imaginary tombstone with an R.I.P. to the boss man complete with whatever creative way you dreamt up his/her death (not that you’ve EVER thought about it before, of course).
2. Bring Sexy Back! You can’t have Halloween without costumes and that means it’s a perfect excuse to play doctor and nurse or pirate and galley wench at your house. Not that you might NEED an excuse, but isn’t it nice to have one? Just don’t post that footage on the facebook account. Your children never need to see that!
Finally, the best excuse of all that comes with our day of fright is…
Number 1. Pass the Reese’s! It’s a good excuse to eat candy! The whole point of the holiday is to inhale candy and the best part is that swimsuit season is at least 7 months away for most of us! Now, that my friends, is something to celebrate!
Happy Halloween, everybody!