Don’t know about you, but over the last week, I’ve discovered that my yard went from green to brown and leaf-covered (mind-blowing stuff, isn’t it?).  I also became very aware that elderly folks care a lot about the wreathes that hang on their doors for each holiday or season.  I’ve also discovered I have a bear-hibernation mode that forces me to eat pecan rolls, Dove chocolates, and garlic-buttered French bread the second I feel a need to wear long sleeves instead of spaghetti straps which therefore causes me to notice that when my gut gets fatter than my underwear allow for – the elastic starts to roll downward under said gut.   In addition to that, I’ve also figured out that nobody really gives a shit about any of this shit but will humor me as long as I take care of all their shit.  These are things I’ve discovered.  Unfortunately, none of my great discoveries are secret passageways to a new continent nobody’s heard of and none of them are so earth-shattering that people will overlook my tyrannical nature.  Damn it! 

So here we are on a weekend celebrating 2 men.  The first located new lands because he didn’t have a GPS and the second allowed for the GPS to be created.  On this weekend, we take time to celebrate Christopher Columbus who we can all recite sailed the oceans blue back in 1492.  But really, none of us are that concerned about him now other than the fact he means a 3-day weekend for a lot of people (Why is that not me???).  I guess the point though is that after all these bajillions of years we still know his name and he still gets mad props for scoring us some fine property to set up camp.  Guess maybe the key for Big C to the C is a little Cheers reference:  sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came!  (Okay, I know.  I’m a dork.  I’ll say it for you.)

So Columbus pissed away some queen’s money, fought off some pirates, discovered a new route, picked up some women and spices, and put a fork in a new country.  Pretty impressive when you think about it.  Then we’ve got this Steve Jobs guy who was a freaking prodigy that was given up at birth, made technology a household word, and died at age 56 after he patented like 316 things and a bunch of people bitched about his perfectionist attitude and non-touchy-feely-friendly demeanor.  Mmm… yet here we all are with our laptops, our iPods, and our cell phones.  Thanks to Steve Jobs I can find out exactly where my husband got “lost” at and when he’ll actually be home. 

I guess the point I’m really making is:  does anybody else feel completely inferior?  Am I the only nutjob out here who feels like I really should get off my ass and do something impressive?  Hell, I’m still devastated that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck wrote Good Will Hunting when they were 21 while I was still just figuring out how to wear my hair in a baseball cap to make it to my 8am classes on time and not look like complete crap.  I mean, here I am, getting older by the day (which the hubs points out with every extra piece of white hair), and what do I have to say for myself?  What will be my legacy?  Hell, what will be your legacy?  I’m sure some of you have children that you’re damn proud of and some of you probably built up some fantastic business that people come to every day in some small town or big city in America that you will then leave to your children.  Maybe you’ve coached an Olympic athlete or mentored a former gang member or built a school on a missions trip to Africa.  Maybe some of you are the next Picasso (minus the tragic life I hope) or the next American Idol.  I’m just thinking to myself that I need to get it figured out.  Hell, I don’t even do anything impressive enough to get mentioned in a family Christmas letter, let alone stop the presses at Time to put my face on the cover. 

So then I try to make myself feel better and I wonder if there are those people that were born to shine and those that were born to play back-up.  I mean, are there people born to be Gladys Knight and the rest of us were born to be Pips?  Can you only have so many chefs in the kitchen and the rest of us just have to be stew taste-testers?  (I’m not a big fan of stew so I hope not.)  Maybe we weren’t all meant for greatness or maybe greatness is relative or maybe I should just be content that I can still fit into my underwear.  These are the things I wonder, and yes, I think too much.  And let me apologize right now for making you question your life or what you’ve done today besides eat some fruit loops, take out the garbage, and watch a Husker game… because maybe being relaxed and living your little life is really all any of us should be doing. 

Whatever you decide, that’s completely up to you.  For the moment though, I will just bow down to Columbus and Jobs in mad respect and continue to make my own unsavory discoveries (like tan fat is better than white fat) to keep you entertained.

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