Thanks to sportinggnomes.com for the picture – nobody calls it better than red foreman.
Do you ever just want to call someone “Dumbass”? I do. Yeah, it sounds harsh and unkind, but well, sometimes I’m harsh and unkind. And don’t tell me you’re not. I know you flipped somebody off this week, or turned around and rolled your eyes, or called your best friend and said, “What the Hell?” about someone. See, you’re nailed. You can try to plead all good Christian saint, but let’s be reasonable. You’re in the sinner tank with me.
But back to the real point: don’t you just want to scream “Dumbass” in somebody’s face or cough it under your breath or look them right in the eyes and with calm composure and tell them what they are? What makes us want to do that? Sure, it could be hormones for us girls or lack of sleep for you guys or girls either one. It could be because we have anger management issues or because have a fetish for cuss words. It could be because we don’t like ourselves or because we feel the need to state the obvious, but the real reason we want to say it is because it’s true! And more importantly, they deserve it!
I don’t know about you but I am so tired of people being stupid. And I don’t mean people who were born lacking brain power, those people get my pity, not my anger. No, no, I’m talking about the morons that were blessed with the gift of thought and yet, somehow, don’t find the time, energy, or reason to use it. Duh! That’s all I have to say. I truly am sick of saying things like, “It’s been pretty hot out, you might not want to go barefoot.” And the idiot burns his feet the next day, to which I want to call “Dumbass!” much like that card game where people lie and you nail them for lying by yelling “Bullshit!” Why don’t we start a game like that? I don’t think it would be much different than punching someone when you see a slug bug, right? And I’m more than okay with a clause like “and no ‘dumbasses’ back” because obviously if I think you’re a dumbass that means that I am clearly not one in correlation to you. I’m not saying I’m brilliant, I’m just saying I’m not standing in the mug-shot next to you.
Perhaps it sounds a little too much like Ron White’s “you can’t fix stupid” but that’s okay with me. For a man who drinks too much scotch and is too lazy to stick with Jeff Foxworthy, he’s still pretty smart if you ask me. I can see him liking a good game of “Dumbass” – one of those deals where you walk up and dub thee a dumbass. And don’t tell me you’re not thinking of all the people you could have done that to today alone. Let me guess: there was the clerk at the county court house who asked why you needed a copy of your birth certificate (um, because obviously you don’t have one), your sibling who called to see if you wanted to go to dinner Friday night even though he knows he just interrupted your vacation to Florida, or your co-worker who asked if you could switch days with her even though, if she looked at the calendar, she would realize you’re already scheduled to work that day. These are the people that make other people want to shoot them in the head with a common sense dart and seeing as how we don’t have the capacity to do that, nor would it be considered anything less than criminal, we instead just have to call them a “Dumbass!”
So I guess what I’m saying is that we can all play a little game of silent “Dumbass!” in the coming weeks. It might make the idiots more fun. Picking them out in crowds, pointing to your significant other, and then saying, “Oh, yeah, Bolton Carley would totally label them a dumbass!” Yes, this is what I wish for you – that it becomes a game instead of simple angst generated by wanting to peg them with your beer bottle.