So Charles Dickens had those great expectations, right? And well, I have a few of my own. Dr. J (Julius Erving, legendary 76er for you children) said it best: I demand more of myself than anyone else could ever expect. Amen! Perhaps that’s why I woke up in a cold sweat after a dream of a childhood classmate scolding me in church for not being a better person. No issues here. None at all. But I kinda think it makes me work to be a more socially-accepted human being. If only I left it at that! Unfortunately, I have a few expectations of everyone I meet, and even the people I don’t. Is that a character flaw? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Just listen to what I have to say and then you can judge me harshly if you want (but don’t want).
Okay, so, I expect to make miracles happen every day. Realistically, I make it to work and back home to make supper, any more than that is like a lottery win to a homeless man, but I still have goals and lists and guilt to fall back on…and of course, my judgment on other people. Lol.
I don’t think I’m asking too much when I expect people to respect military men and women that fight for our country so we can sit on our ass checking facebook and watching American Idol. I also think that RSVPing is the proper thing to do. Miss Manners would have my back on that, I assume. And it’s not a bad thing to love your family, either. You don’t always have to like them, but you do have to love them because they’re your family, damn it. I also expect old people to be hard of hearing, and teenagers to roll their eyes. I’m just sayin’.
What I can’t fathom is people not meeting my expectations. Now, I can look past a lot of stuff and give the benefit of the doubt and all, but Ina Garten got my hackles up this past week. As a mega-superstar Food Network Culinary Genius rolling in the bucks from stardom, I kinda think that if some kid makes a deathbed wish to make a delish dish with the Barefoot Contessa then somebody better be shaking her big ole pristine, white booty to make it happen. To say I am disappointed in Ms. Better-than-Thou would be inaccurate. I have expectations, but they’re usually realistic, and I always thought she was an uppity bitch. Guess she proved my point. What I find absolutely fabulously perfect is that John Cena, WWE wrestler, in all his cuteness and tan-ness kicked Ina’s Bared Assdom to kingdom come when he hit the 300 mark of Make a Wish kids he’s helped. Umm…culinary chef vs. professional wrestler? Well, I guess we know which one has a cob up their ass-tart, now don’t we? And I’m pretty sure Miss Manners would have my back that commentary, too!
As I said, I have expectations and I don’t think it’s wrong. Most importantly though, I expect that you will read my blog when you have time and I kinda expect you to find time each week to sit in your underwear, eat ice cream, and watch some bad TV or maybe hide from your spouse in the basement drinking a beer and then taking a nap in the recliner. Listen, we all do something to the effect. You can admit it or not, but I find it freeing to just put it out there. See, that’s the thing with my expectations. I expect a lot but require very little. (Just don’t give me very little.)