Some people’s children…should not be allowed to become somebody else’s spouse.  Yep, you heard me.  It never fails to amaze me what we have to put up with.  Too many people I know stay with spouses that deserve to have their asses kicked to the curb.  And unfortunately, there are even more of us who have to stand on the sidelines and secretly gossip about how we wish they would put a token foot up their significant other’s arse and send them packing.  No scumbags/asshats/douche-magooshes allowed. 

The way I figure it, either people will put up with anything for the sake of saying they have a ring on their finger, or they are too embarrassed to admit they screwed up, or they’ve been beaten down to the point of submission and just live a shitty life because they don’t remember anything better.  Holy Shit Patrol, Batman!  That’s what I have to say about that.  Guess what, people?  It’s time to get rid of the riff-raff.  Muscle up, one and all.  Grow a pair or hike up the hooters or whatever you do, but for God’s sake if even Whitney Houston can figure out she’d “rather be alone than be unhappy” then why the hell can’t you????

Take a stand.  If you are employed, pro-personal hygiene, and lack a criminal record then you obviously deserve more than to be in a bad relationship.  And if you’re lucky enough not to be in a dead-end situation, I know you still know someone who is and you wish they weren’t.  You know what I’m saying.  Sometimes, there’s more anxiety sitting on the bleachers and watching the train wreck than there is playing out a losing record on the court, or so it seems… 

I have had it with 2 things in this scenario:  Ass Cheese, otherwise known as Head-Up-thy-Ass syndrome, and Dirty, Rotten Scrubbage.  My frustration is not only with the pond-scum idiots that take advantage of their partner (scrubbage), but with the friends (ass cheese) that can’t see the forest through the trees or more aptly put:  can’t see the dickwad through the smarm.

Bottom line:  denial may be a river in Egypt, but it ain’t the river to happiness.  I am so tired of watching men and women that know better resort to stupidity for the sake of their other half.  I’m tired of watching women pretend not to know that their man is a lying, cheating male slut.  I’m tired of seeing him slither up to a waitress in a bar and rub against her as he asks for a beer and my friend not think it suspect.  I’m tired of watching a woman go through an early mid-life crisis and suddenly need to find herself when in fact, the grass ain’t always greener.  If my cows can learn that, why can’t my friends? 

If you need to buy a new red sports car to feel good about yourself or go back to school to switch careers, go for it.  If you need to get under a boy half your age, get your head out of your ass.  He hasn’t put up with you for 10 years or given you 2 great kids or broken the news to you when your cat died, and he doesn’t want to.  And guess what, sleeping around might be easy out there in the real world, but single parenting and dating aren’t.  Figure it out.  Before you do something dumbass, ask yourself if it would be written down as a good thing on your obituary.  If it wouldn’t, go to Plan B.  Hell, if that doesn’t work, there’s always the crazy idea of asking a friend’s advice…and listening to it, too. 

Most friends will actually warn you when you’re about to do something ass cheese-like.  They do try to save you from yourself.  And even more impressive, even if you don’t listen to us, we are your friends and when you do finally get your brain out of your bottom, we’ll help you rebuild.  Sure, there will probably be a lot of comments about how we called him Phil because he was a fill-in till you got a real man or maybe how we called him Jack because he was Jack-ass stupid, but we’re still gonna pick up the pieces and be better to you than you deserve, because here’s a little secret smart folks learn:  people who love you always treat you better than you deserve. 

The end.  ‘Nuf said.

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