So when was the last time you had people over to your house? If you’re like me, it’s probably been awhile because that would require a toothpaste-free bathroom sink and the Christmas cards/newspapers to not be sitting at the end of the couch. No worries, I completely understand. But seriously when was the last party, shower, family dinner, or secret Bieber Fan Club meeting? And I’m not thinking a few friends of your daughter’s showing up unannounced. I’m talking events with invitations.
As the royal wedding approaches, I can’t help but be fascinated. I know how much effort it takes for us to decide on a guest list for fondue night, let alone a royal freaking wedding! I couldn’t help but laugh myself silly when I thought about them planning that extravaganza. I mean can you imagine sitting there looking at a list of literally the whole world and saying, “Okay, who do we want to invite?” If that didn’t break them up, they should be in pretty good shape.
Don’t even tell me you didn’t have a few conversations about, “Really? You think we should invite them? Don’t you think they will think we only invited them to get a gift?” or the “Are you kidding me? I don’t even know who that is. Do we really have to invite them?” But I have always felt it’s more one of those “I was just happy to be nominated” things. When we get invitations, I’m just happy we didn’t get scratched off your list due to rude commentary, obnoxious laughter, or our terrible dance moves circa 1990.
Still, I can’t fathom what it had to be like for William and Kate. I have to believe that at some point, Kate looked at Will and was like, “Seriously? We have to invite them? Do you remember the last time we saw them? He showered me with spit and she’s older than freaking Stonehenge.” (It may not be politically correct, but you know it’s truthful.)
And you know William agrees, but he also knows she can’t really argue when he looks right at her and says, “What was I supposed to do? (rolling his eyes) Grandma said we had to invite them.” Can’t really disagree with the Queen of England, now can you?
I also have to think that somewhere along the way Kate had some kind of bridezilla meltdown in which the conversation went a little like this:
“Do we get a say in any of this? This is my day, but it’s going to be the worst wedding ever! Look at this guest list! It’s a bunch of blue hairs, boring uniformed stiffs, and dull over-educated tri-lingualists! I thought our day was going to be special! Now it’s ruined! Completely ruined! We don’t even have anybody fun coming!”
And that’s about the time that William thought to himself that maybe inviting a douchebag like Kanye West would be a good idea (as any clueless groom would). And Kate probably got exasperated and cried, “I’m so tired of this. I just don’t care anymore. Invite whoever you want. My opinion obviously doesn’t matter!” Not that any bride you’ve ever known has gotten overly-dramatic about anything, right?
I’m sure after everything got cleared up, there came a moment where they just wanted the decisions done and made and over with. You know what I mean. It’s where you throw your hands up in the air and yell, “I don’t give a crap!” So I visualize there being a game of rock, paper, scissors or a game of PIG to decide who got to pick the last guests or maybe even an eenie meanie miney moe between the Obamas and the Beckums. Don’t tell me you haven’t done that when placing your final vote for the evening outing or the pair of jeans to wear.
Yeah, invitations are tough. There are always tiers of friendship and family to ponder, but I’m guessing it gets a whole lot more complex when you’re the heir to the throne. And I wouldn’t want to be Kate either. She has to be hope the invites from her side don’t make her the laughing stock of the royal fam and all of London. Rumor has it that Uncle Gary might very well get up during introductions and drunkenly wander into the middle of everyone with a mic, blundering his way through a toast about how she always played royal wedding with her childhood girlfriends and how he’s sure there are some naked photos of her wearing only a plumed purple hat with a veil somewhere in his house. Yikes! Now that’s pressure.
So now aren’t you feeling lucky that it’s not you in that situation? I know I am. It almost makes you forgive them for losing your invitation in the mail. Because not only would it suck to have potentially embarrassing situations brought on by your side of the family but then there’d be the guilt of excluding your first college roommate in favor of Sir Elton John. Add on the fact that the press takes time to point out everybody you snubbed, and it just doesn’t get any worse than that! The pressure would kill me and you both. So my “hat” is off to William and Kate for surviving round one of wedding preparations/bliss/hell. They haven’t done too bad yet.
And I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty sure the Obamas won’t be on my next e-vite list either.