Mixing it up, taking it up a notch, putting the gold in the gold-plated, I’m going Letterman-style with a top 10 list in honor of one of my favorite weekends. Hello, Super Bowl Sunday and Pre-game Saturday and Hung-over Monday! Happy to see ya again!
So without further ado, the Top 10 Reasons to Participate in Super Bowl Sunday festivities:
10. Commercials – yes, you heard me, they only make it to #10. Why? Because I can only watch so many ads involving monkeys or geckos without becoming less than impressed. Sure there will probably be a good woodchuck one on (not the cider, the animal) and if they really want to get my attention, they should use a skunk. Nothing says good TV like a skunk! Otherwise, I’m going out on a limb here and betting good money that there will be some Clydesdales running through the countryside with their manes blowing in the breeze like Pamela Anderson’s Baywatch montages. Shockingly enough, I’d also wager that there will be more beer commercials and a whole bunch for godaddy.com, Doritos or other chips, Papa John’s pizza (the official pizza of the Super Bowl in case you’ve been living under a rock), and insurance agencies like Geiko that none of us give a shit about no matter how great the advertising is! So, again, they only make it to number 10.
9. It’s a great American tradition! Duh. It gets more hype, publicity, and attention than Obama and Oprah and Lindsay Lohan combined. More people watch the Super Bowl than go to church on Easter Sunday or vote in an American election. Not to make you feel bad or anything, but don’t you think you better be a part of it? I mean who wouldn’t want to watch a crazy woman sing our national anthem and a bunch of guys beating the crap out of each other over a ball? Obviously, this is essential stuff.
8. Speaking of those same guys, that brings us to #8: tight uniforms. Come on girls, don’t tell me you don’t enjoy the likes of “Big Ben” and the pretty boys of Green Bay. And boys, I know your only disappointment about the game being at JerryWorld is that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders won’t be on the field (and it’s not my fault neither team has cheerleaders). But not to worry, there will be plenty of other scantily-clad trollops/intelligent athletic spirit bunnies in the crowd and a camera man who can’t keep his telephoto lens off ‘em. Go Team!
7. There’s just something about a game of manly men being played where people discuss curtains and use pieces of fromage as hats on their heads and draw little xxx’s and ooo’s with the heartfelt passion of hugs and kisses. How can you not wanna be involved in that? This game breaks the gender code. As I said earlier, there’s something for everyone. As for who will win, I kinda figure in a game similar to rock, paper, scissors that a steel curtain trumps a slice of cheddar, but that won’t stop me for cheering for the Cheeseheads. That’s what #7 is all about: the unknown. Everybody gets to cheer and be merry about something that really doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. Nobody knows what will happen, that’s why they play the game. But it sure is fun to trash talk and taunt your brother-in-law or the guy in the next cubicle that wears Steeler socks under his dress pants on game days and thinks nobody notices.
6. The game itself. Yes, believe it or not, the football game can be fun to watch. Not only because it’s socially acceptable to scream at the TV but also because there’ve been some pretty great finishes with convicted felon Plexico making a diving catch or Kurt Warner sliding it into Antoin Boldin with little time on the clock and of course watching Peyton humbly accept his MVP award. It’s action-packed, unpredictable, and beats the Hell out of watching 60 Minutes or Hitler’s Bodyguards.
5. Pre-game. Yes, I like the hype, the build-up, more than the game. Yes, I realize there are probably a whole bunch of innuendos that can go with that, but I’m just stating a fact. I like to watch Howie Long give his opinion. I enjoy Kid Rock doing a concert in the parking lot wearing a Lions jersey. Tailgating crews screaming at the camera and serving up tacos in a chip bag get my attention. What can I say? Sometimes, I even like listening to the I-overcame-poverty-drug-abuse-gangs-and-an-actual-father-who-loved-me-in-spite-of-my-nose-picking stories. It feels like I’m watching one of those give money for starving children in Africa infomercials, but I can’t help get a little sappy about some of the players’ triumphs. I’m a sucker for a happy ending (again, I was referring to a fairy tale-type conclusion to a story, not what you were thinking).
4. Having a reason to have a part-ee! Party like it’s 2011 minus 12 years! I love a good party. Any excuse to have a party with friends and beverages where I can watch people get their drunk on laughing, smiling, wiping chip dip on a cute guy’s nose in the name of flirting is a good thing. I’ll simply leave it at that.
3. Unlike in past years, I will admit I am looking forward to the halftime show. That’s right – I’m expecting the crowd to get their full-on party gear going as the Black Eyed Peas have the crowd stand up in intervals and break into I Gotta a Feelin’ with them all doing the Thriller werewolf dance in their seats. Not that I’m expecting much or anything. Just sayin’ it might be better than Justin Timberlake displaying Janet Jackson’s boobage.
2. Aaron Rodgers gettin’ his WWE belt on. You got it! I will be tuning in to watch one of my favorite QB’s pretend he’s not a piece of cheesy white bred. Without a doubt, it makes me laugh every time my main man, Aaron, makes a touchdown and puts on his imaginary Heavyweight World Championship belt like he’s Triple H.
And the number #1 reason to put the Super in Super Bowl:
- Because it’s time to get out your little wieners! And by that I mean: barbeque your little smokies, salsa your chips, heat up your wings and eat your way to a good time! It’s Super Bowl weekend, my friends!