So the Chilean miner who got outted about having a wife and mistress reminded me of a conversation I heard the other day.  I just can’t get it out of my mind.  Listening to the country station the other morning, they asked callers to call in to tattle about what they know about their neighbors that their neighbors don’t know they know.  Mmm…

I immediately thought of this quote I have on my classroom wall that the kids always stare at but never understand.  It’s my lesson for the day ala Will Rogers: 

So live that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Believe me, some people definitely need to listen to me more!  I was completely blown away by the calls on the radio.  I’m not gonna lie, I could have listened to that all day.  Never have I lied about my snoopiness factor.  I love to get the dirt on people.  The stuff they were calling in about killed me.  So one guy called in to say he knew his neighbor was having an affair with another neighbor because the girlfriend would ride around the block on her bike until the wife left and then he’d open the garage door for the girlfriend to glide on in.  All I can think is:  “Come and knock on our door.  We’ve been waiting for you… where the kisses are hers and hers and his.  Three’s company, too.”  Holy Bajeezers! 

There was yet another call similar to that in which a neighbor saw another neighbor and gave a jaunty wave only to realize she didn’t see him because she was in the process of a make-out session at a deserted gas station with someone who wasn’t her husband.  Now, I am not naïve enough to think this doesn’t happen all the time.  I just wonder why my neighborhood isn’t this exciting???  The best scoop I have on my neighbors is that they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses, they all drive white vehicles, and we’re pretty sure they park them on the street in front of our house instead of in their 10-car driveway in hopes someone will hit them and they can replace their crappy cars.  Then again, the last part is just a theory and annoyance, no definite truth to that. 

I guess we do have some neighbors down the street that we think we need to buddy up to because we recently came across their garage bar – no lie.  They have a big screen TV and two smaller ones with a full bar set-up, video games, and horse-shoes in THEIR GARAGE!  I keep telling my husband we are the only ones on the street that actually park in ours!  But I digress.

Another caller told how they watch one set of neighbors go through another set of neighbors’ garbage every week.  This is funny to me.  Not only have they seen them take vases and frying pans, but they actually took a plunger out one time.  You can’t make that up!  And a plunger?  Really?  They’re like 5 bucks new and I don’t even want to touch mine, let alone someone else’s!!!!!!!!!!!  I prefer that be left to the plumber who earns every penny he gets from me!

But then I got to thinking what my neighbors know about us.  Not such a pleasant thought.  I’m pretty sure they regret what they know about us.  Between my hubby’s dual exhaust diesel truck starting at 4 AM and my truly unattractive laying-out-only-in-the-privacy-of-my-own-backyard bikini, I can’t think they wanna know any more about us!

But if you do run across an “embellishing” parrot on Craigslist that cusses like a sailor and expects to be tucked in around 9, you probably know where he came from! 

Oh, and you might not want to get caught in a Chilean mine for a long time either, that’s how all your secrets get blabbed.