Remember how they tried to pass off all those lies to you when you went to college about how you take general education classes to enrich your mind and to make you a well-rounded member of society when we all knew it was really to make our stay in college longer and more expensive?

Yeah, I had the pleasure of hearing that spewing fountain of diarrhea recently, and it reminded me I should be calling some people out!  Where the hell were the classes people might really need?  Do you really think that Witchcraft and Mankind is gonna help me a lot in life?  What about Prussia:  the Untold Story?  Or my personal favorite, Capstone:  The Tall Grass Prairies.  For God’s sake, people, give those kids an education they might actually benefit from! 

Suggestions?  You want suggestions?  Oh, I’ve got them!

I’d suggest Understanding Insurance and Taxes 101, but let’s face it, that’s a class we all would have slept through, and nobody would have taken the notes for!  I’m not looking for today’s youth to fail, just simply saying Principles of Ethiopian Insects probably didn’t help anybody out once they left college unless they were on an episode of Jeopardy!

Seriously, back to my actual recommendations.  My first one being:  Dealing with the In-laws 450 (definitely a complex course hence the higher level course number, but a useful one, nonetheless).  Now, THAT is a topic we all could have benefited from before being blindsided by the proverbial mack truck ala family members that changed your spouse’s diapers and want to tell you about it!  I can’t tell you how many times a day I say the “they meant well” line to people.  I also can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered why the mother of the groom doesn’t know enough to just “shut up and wear beige” (although I will admit I’m not a proponent of actually wearing beige as no one looks good in that color – it is only for metaphorical purposes that I use the term here).  I also can’t tell you how many times I’ve told someone to “suck it up and be the better person” for the sake of your spouse.  You just have to be patient and wait for your partner to be the one to yell, “Mistletoe!”  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying it’s easy, just the opposite, that’s why I’m advocating for the true liberal arts education we all need!

I’m not done there though.  I’ve got more.  How about Techniques to Survive Gossip in the Workplace TSG 904?  I don’t know a college graduate who hasn’t been there and barely squeaked out of that!  Oh, come on, don’t tell me that you haven’t been the talk of the water cooler and felt completely helpless in the situation!  And if you honestly don’t think you have, here’s a hint:  you’re naïve!  Everybody has talked about everybody from the cleavage shown to the I-saw-him-with-little-miss-not-his-wife to the shoe size equivalency test to the he-slept-his-way-to-the-top which may or may not be true, but it got talked about, believe me!  You laugh, but you know it’s true, and I guarantee you know somebody who’s left a job because they couldn’t quite handle the office politics.  To quote Kermit, “it’s not easy being green” so naturally when all else fails, your co-workers will sell you out instead.  (And I do assume you understood I meant being green with envy, not green like #3 recycling goes in the blue bin as that, too, can be an issue where you work.)  See, my point is – wouldn’t you have killed to have that class in college?

All I know is that I think they should hire me to write new class curriculum.  Of course, I’m not sure if any 19 year old would actually take my next class if I entitled it, Learning to say “No!” 150.  We would maybe have to code-name it something so they didn’t assume it was about the risks of drugs or promoting abstinence.  If that was the case, it would be the only class with seats left open at the end of registration week, except, of course, that one physics lab taught by the non-English speaking 95 year old that insists on 25 page handwritten assignments every week.  Seriously though, how many times do you wish somebody would have taught you how to tell your boss that you’re no longer going to cover his/her ass?  Pretty sure it would have been nice to learn how to tactfully reply, “No.  Sorry.  I can’t take on all your work while you go play grab-ass with your new lover even though we both know it would be better if I did.”  And even today, I could use a class in “No can do.  I don’t even really have that much on my plate, I just don’t really want to be the doormat of the day, but thanks for asking me to play.”

So here’s your homework:  (Treat it as you would have in college – I promise not to be offended.  Maybe you didn’t need the Just say No class.)

Quiz question # 1 – Name a college class you took that’s never been useful since

Quiz question # 2 – Name a class we should have been taught

Quiz question # 3 –  Name one person you should have slept with that you didn’t (sorry, just checking to see if you actually read all the questions or not)  – feel free to post your answers on my facebook or here on wordpress, don’t be shy and don’t be afraid to hit that “share” icon. 

 Here’s to the future of college grads everywhere, my friends!