thanks to 4 this pic

Ladies don’t cuss.  Excuse me?  If there is something gosh-darn, gee-golly, kiss-my-white-fannie upsetting, we’re gonna find an explicative! 

“It’s unlady-like to cuss,” according to my husband.  Well, it’s not unlike this lady!  Holy Canoli!  Is he smokin’ crack?  Did he not realize who he married when he got me?  And what sexist turnip truck did he fall off?  I come from a line of cattle manure-scooping people.  Frankly, there’s only one word for what we really call that!  And that’s exactly how I’d label the idea of not using curse words!

I’m sorry, but you cannot tell me that a majority of the female population goes inappropriate-interjection-free!  I just won’t believe it.  Sure, some of them may be screamed under one’s breath, but they’re said nonetheless.  Guys, this is something you just need to understand.  Follow along as we girls play a little game of “What would you say in this instance?”

Scenario 1 – You are barefoot and carefree as you drink a nice summer afternoon cocktail sauntering through your house when a chair leg reaches out and stubs your big toe making it turn a shade of swollen-red.  What would you say? 

Now, it’s possible that this would just result in a “darn chair” and nothing more (I guess if you’re a calm, rational person…), but let’s move on…

Scenario 2 – A mother, of 3 hellion children, you’ve had numerous of unpleasant encounters with over the years runs into you at a 4th of July carnival/fundraiser for the local school.  She just walked out of her air-conditioned house in a skanky, albeit sexy and fabulous–looking outfit showing off her gorgeous tan and fit body.  She also seems quite young-looking after a nice leisurely nap she took while her kids were wildly running un-chaperoned through the carnival.  You, however, were in charge of the whole fundraiser and just took your turn in the carnival dunk-tank, to which high-maintenance Barbie says, “Wow!  That’s really not a good look for you.”  Okay, tell the truth.  What would you say? 

Maybe you’d just find somebody to remove Barbie to said dunk tank, but I’m gonna guess you’d have a few choice words for her, as well, even if they get said to your best friend instead.  Then again, maybe I underestimate you.  Maybe you can handle all that with tact and graciousness.  But we’re not done yet…

Scenario 3 – The guy you’ve been dating for 3 years calls and asks if you have lunch made.  You, out of the goodness of your heart, say, “What would you like?  I’ll have it ready when you get here.”  He swings over, you have a fabulous lunch and a little fooling around, when he suddenly looks at the clock.  He quickly “jumps ship” so to speak, pleading that he has to get back to work for an important meeting.  Although annoyed, you understand that work has to come first in this situation and send him with a brownie for the road. 

It’s your day to run errands so you head off with a grocery list in hand.  As you are driving by the golf course, you notice your guy’s truck.  Usually, you aren’t the stalker-type, but you’re still feeling a little frustrated from earlier.  You decide to stop to make sure this “important meeting” wasn’t a tee-time.  Plus, being the considerate person you are, you want to make sure he didn’t have mechanical problems leaving him stranded here.  As you head into the clubhouse, you notice some of his friends’ vehicles, as well.  At this point, you’re not very happy with him, but upon confirmation that it’s a working round of golf you figure you’ll deal with him later.  Unfortunately, as you round the corner of the practice putting greens, you not only spot his beer-drinking buddies, but you catch a glimpse of him groping and macking on the prom queen that beat you out for the last full-ride scholarship to the state college a few years ago.  What would you say? 

 Yeah.  That’s what I thought.

 The moral of the story is that we wouldn’t have to cuss if people didn’t give us a reason to…and I’ll be damned if I won’t respond properly!