from the website

Uck!  Can we please rid the world of the skin-tight trend???  I’m barfing on the inside and out.  Did we not all learn from Madonna’s attempt at looking young again in the lavender leotard that it just doesn’t work?

 I’m sorry, but who thought it was a good idea to don low-rise bikinis over leggings and throw some pirate boots on?  Believe me, it’s kinda nice to see some girls looking like they have actual thighs and that they might have some meat on their bones, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they’d be pretty pissed off that I thought they looked like a size 8 instead of the size 0 they probably are. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved the thought that “God wouldn’t have given you maracas if he didn’t want you to shake ‘em.”  (Dirty Dancing reference for those non-cultured types)  But honey, why make yourself look bad?  I truly thought that skinny jeans were a horrible fashion statement that couldn’t go away quick enough, but how did I not realize it could get worse?

 Seriously, American Idol was a parade of Pretty Woman hooker boots and Lady GaGa panties and tights.  All I can say to the rest of you normal people is:  the bodysuit is meant for scuba diving and well, that’s it. 

 I understand the use of spandex as an under-armor to keep fat in place, and supposedly it has it’s place in the world of biking, but hear me when I say:  Please, America, quit with the tights, the underoos, the leggings, the leotards, and the underwear as outerwear! 

 If you’re a ballerina, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, as long as you don’t wear leather-chapped stiletto one-pieces!  But the rest of you are not off the hook!  Please, I beg of you, end the catsuit-trumped-up-by-the-swashbuckler-boot look. 

 Or at least keep it to September 19th.  I guess I’ll allow you to have Talk Like a Pirate Day, but then we’re done. 

 Do you understand me?